Title: What If?

Author: Sparkle731

Type: Slash

Summary: After a careless remark in the locker room at headquarters, Starsky and Hutch consider the question…. what if…and Starsky confesses a devastating secret from his past.

Disclaimer: I do not own Starsky and Hutch or make any money from writing about them. Just like to borrow them for awhile

Format: Story

Categories: Angst, First time Story, Starsky HC

Rating: NC-17

WHAT IF?

By Sparkle731

Starsky stepped out of the shower, toweling the water out of his curls. A second towel was secured tightly around his waist as he walked towards his locker. During a routine bust, Starsky had been splashed with a pan of barbeque sauce. Luckily, he kept a clean change of clothing in his locker for such emergencies, necessitating a quick change of clothes while on duty. His partner, Hutch, was sitting on one of the wooden benches scattered throughout the room waiting for him to finish his grooming.

“Took you long enough.” Hutch grumbled with a grin as he made a grab for the towel around Starsky’s waist. Starsky laughed and swatted playfully at his partner’s hands.

“Can’t keep your hands off him till you get home, huh Hutchinson?” said a high thin voice behind the tall blond detective.

Starsky and Hutch both turned cold, icy eyes on the young rookie that had entered the locker room with two of his friends. They knew him slightly from seeing him around headquarters from time to time. “What’s that supposed to mean, Harris?” Hutch challenged the younger man in a voice that would have made anyone else back down immediately.

“Oh come on…” Harris said with a thin laugh “You and Starsky ain’t fooling anybody. Everybody in the department knows about you two.”

Starsky leaned casually with his back against his locker and looked at the younger man with a mocking smile, ignoring his partial state of nudity. “What exactly is it you think everybody knows?” he asked in a calm quiet voice that still managed to sound deadly in the confines of the small room.

“That you two are fags…the way you’re always touching and hanging all over each other.” Harris said, not smart enough to know when to keep his mouth shut. Even his two friends looked nervous and ill at ease. Starsky and Hutch were not only known as two of the tightest partners in the precinct, they were also known as two of the hottest tempered. Starsky was especially well known for his tendency to use his fists to settle an argument.

Hutch stood up from the bench and straightened up to his full height, taking a threatening step towards the younger officer. The other man instinctively took a step backwards, alarmed by the cold fury reflected in the tall blond’s eyes. In a quiet, deceptively calm voice, Hutch said, “Take my advice and get the hell out of here, Harris and take your friends with you…..before your face gets intimately acquainted with the floor.”

When his two friends hurriedly left the locker room leaving him alone to face the veteran detective’s wrath alone, Harris quickly hightailed it out of the room. As the door slammed behind him, Starsky calmly opened his locker and started getting dressed. Hutch took several deep breathes to calm himself and exhaled slowly, muttering under his breath “Stupid little fucker.”

“Hey, Blondie….calm down. It ain’t nothing we ain’t heard before.” Starsky reminded him as he finished dressing and shut his locker. “Let’s get out of here…our shift’s over.”

The two detectives left the building and climbed into Starsky’s flashy red and white Tornio. Hutch stared out of the windshield, lost in his own thoughts, still angry over the young rookie’s reckless remarks. He remained silent throughout the drive to his apartment. As Starsky pulled up in front of his building, the tall blond glanced at his partner and said “You coming up for awhile?”

“Sure. You got any beer?”

“There’s a twelve pack in the fridge. I’ll even let you order a pizza.”

“Does that mean I get to pay for it too?” Starsky complained as he climbed out of the car and followed his partner up the enclosed stairway to his apartment.

“Naw, I’ll split it with you….you can even order anything you want on it.”

“Hey, you sure you’re feeling okay?” Starsky asked with a grin at Hutch’s words. Hutch was a health food fantic, while Starsky was a pure junk food junkie. Whenever they ordered pizza Hutch generally insisted on leaving off all the good stuff.

“Don’t complain or I’ll change my mind.” Hutch said with a smirk as he unlocked his apartment door and the two detectives stepped inside. Hutch’s apartment was basically a large open space with little nooks and alcoves that separated the kitchen area, the living room and the bedroom. The only area that was actually closed off from the rest of the apartment was the bathroom.

Hutch slipped off his leather jacket and hung it in the closet. Unfastening his shoulder harness, he hung it on a hook on the back of closet door. Starsky shrugged off his own jacket and tossed it across the back of the sofa. His shoulder harness quickly followed suit. While Hutch went into the bathroom, Starsky grabbed the phone and called in their order to his favorite pizza joint. With that chore done, he grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator and slumped down on the sofa. He opened one of the beers and took a long deep swallow, sitting the other bottle on the coffee table for Hutch. With a weary sigh, he put his feet up on the coffee table, relaxing for the first time since early that morning.

Hutch came out of the bathroom and sat down beside his partner and best friend, gratefully picking up the beer and taking a swallow. Glancing at his partner, Starsky arched his eyebrows. He was so tuned into to his partner’s various moods that he could tell when something was bothering him. “Okay, Blondie…spill it. What’s bugging you?”

“Nothing….” Hutch said tightly, his mouth drawing into a thin hard line.

“You still pissed over what that little jerk Harris said?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No…ain’t the first time somebody’s said that shit about us…it won’t be the last.” Starsky said with a simple shrug of his shoulders. He looked at his partner questioningly “So what makes it so different this time?”

“I just get tired of it.” Hutch grumbled, “Harris hasn’t even been around but a few months and already he’s running his mouth about us.”

“Well, I think he got the message.” Starsky said with a thin smile. “I don’t think he’ll be saying much from now on….at least not where we can hear him anyway.”

“Doesn’t it bother you when they say that shit about us?” Hutch asked, glancing at his partner intently.

“Not anymore. You and I know the truth…that’s all that matters. We ain’t gonna change what some of those jerks at work think they know about us.” He frowned as he looked at Hutch closely, sensing that he had something more on his mind. “Is that all that’s bugging you?”

“Have you ever thought about it? I mean really thought about it? About us?” Hutch asked pensively.

“Yeah, I guess so…once in a while.” Starsky admitted, “Have you? Thought about it, I mean?”

“Yeah….once or twice.” Hutch admitted. He sighed deeply and took another long swallow of his beer. He was silent for several minutes and then he said, “Have you ever ‘done’ anything with another man, Starsk?”

Starsky almost choked on the beer he’d just taken a sip of when Hutch asked him that question. He shot a quick glance at his partner wondering just where that had come from. He debated on how he wanted to answer that question and finally decided to be honest. “Once. A long time ago….in ‘Nam…..” He said quietly.

Hutch didn’t look surprised or shocked at Starsky’s answer. He almost looked relieved. He took a deep breath and said “I ‘experimented ‘ a little in college.” He said “Just a couple of circle jerks and a few hand jobs.”

“At least you had a choice…” Starsky said dryly, staring off into the distance with a drawn expression on his face, the same expression he got whenever the subject of Viet Nam came up. Hutch had learned early in their friendship that was the one subject that was off limits with the smaller man. All Hutch really knew about that time in Starsky’s life was that he had been in country from almost eighteen months and that the last three months there had been spent as a POW.

“What are you saying, buddy?” Hutch asked in a soft, quiet voice “That you didn’t….that somebody forced you into something you didn’t want to do?”

At first Hutch didn’t think Starsky was going to answer him but then he said in a tightly controlled voice “When I was a POW, one of the guards ‘bought’ me. I became his property….to do whatever he wanted to with.”

“Starsk…..are you trying say that he raped you?” Hutch asked in a barely audible voice, not sure he wanted to hear the answer but sensing that it was something Starsky needed to talk about.

“Him and his friends….sometimes all night long.” Starsky said “Every day for two months…till our guys raided the camp and rescued us…..”

“God, Starsk…I’m sorry….I didn’t know….” Hutch stammered, at a loss for words.

“How could you? I never told anybody.” Starsky said with a thin smile. He had moved away from Hutch and drawn forward, curling into himself, his shoulders tight with tension. Hutch wanted to reach out and comfort him like he always did when the other man was in physical or emotional pain but something held him back, telling him that Starsky would not welcome his touch. Not this time.

“It was terrible…I hated every minute of it….in the end, I hated myself.” Starsky said so softly that Hutch had to strain to hear the words.

“But none of it was your fault…you were never given a choice in what happened to you.” Hutch reasoned

“I used to beg God to just let me die….but he wouldn’t listen…and then after awhile, I just stopped caring….” Starsky whispered lost in his own painful memories from his past.

“He listened. He sent you home alive.”

“He didn’t do me any favors. I was really messed up when I got back to the states.” Starsky said, closing his eyes to get a handle on the pain of his own tortured confession. “For a long time, I couldn’t stand to let anybody touch me….male or female.”

He opened his eyes and turned to look at his partner, unshed tears shining in his eyes “And then I met you.”

“But you never had any trouble touching me….or letting me touch you.” Hutch said, remembering those early days of their friendship. In the beginning, it was Hutch who was uncomfortable with Starsky touching him and being so openly affectionate with another man.

“With you it was always different, Hutch.” Starsky admitted. “I liked touching you and I liked it when you touched me…..I still do.”

“What are you trying to say, buddy?” asked Hutch gently as he finally reached out and touched his friend’s knee comfortingly.

Starsky frowned as he tried to gather his thoughts and put them into order. He looked at Hutch, a trace of fear showing in his sapphire eyes, and said “It took me months after I got home to come to terms with what happened to me over there….it took me even longer to figure out some things about myself.”

“What kind of things?”

“That I could be just as attracted to a man as I was a woman….and I had to choose where I wanted to go with my life…..I chose to go ‘straight’….”

It was Hutch’s turn to be silent for several minutes as he thought about what Starsky had just disclosed to him. He knew that it was the deep level of trust that they shared that had allowed Starsky to make his confession to him now. “Are you trying to say that you were attracted to me….that’s why we got so close so fast?”

“Maybe….that was part of it, I guess.” Starsky admitted “I just knew there was something different about you….something that made me want to get to know you better.”

“After all we’ve been through together….it seems strange that we’ve never really talked about this before.”

“I’m sure I could have before.” Starsky told him “I’m not sure I should have tonight. I don’t want this to change what we have.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their pizza. Hutch answered the door and paid the deliveryman. Sitting the box down on the coffee table, he went into the kitchen and grabbed two more beers. He handed one to Starsky who accepted it with a grateful smile. Hutch opened the pizza box and they ate in silence for several minutes. Finally, Hutch couldn’t bear the silence any longer. Looking at his partner solemnly, he said “You said that you hated what those men did to you….that before it was all over with, you hated yourself.” He stated

Starsky nodded, trying to find the words to make Hutch understand. “I did hate it….but sometimes there was a part of me that enjoyed it to…..there was one guard who…who…” his words trailed off as his voice broken. He stopped unable to go on.

“Who what?” Hutch probed gently

“Who wasn’t as bad as the others.” Starsky told him “He was gentle…he made me feel like a person instead of a piece of meat.”

“He made you feel good instead of just using you for his own pleasure.” Hutch guessed, hoping he was right.

“Yeah….and he was good at it too. He took his time….ya know?” Starsky said quietly, looking away so he wouldn’t have to look into Hutch’s eyes as he spoke. “He treated me like a lover instead a piece of property. He showed me just how good it could be with a man.” His tone abruptly changed, becoming colder and more tense “The other guards killed him when they found out he was sneaking me extra food and water….and after that….they made my life a living hell….”

Unable to resist his nurturing instincts any longer, Hutch reached out and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulling him close. He felt Starsky tense up at first but then he relaxed and let his head rest against Hutch’s shoulder, drained and exhausted from his emotional confession. Hutch gently ran one hand up and down Starsky’s back in a tender comforting touch. Finally, he pulled back and grasped Starsky’s chin in his hand, forcing his partner to look at him and to pay attention.

“You went through hell over there, Starsky…but you survived. And then you came back home and went through hell….but you still survived.” Hutch looked deeply into those beautiful sapphire eyes “I love you, Starsky…..I’ve always loved you….I’m not sure I ever realized just how much until now.” Before he could think about it and change his mind, he lowered his head and gently brushed his lips across the smaller man’s mouth. At first Starsky didn’t do anything, he didn’t resist but he didn’t return the gesture either. He simply sat there and let Hutch kiss him without any noticeable response on his part.

Unable to ignore the heat that flushed his body or the shock that went straight to his groin, Hutch pressed his lips harder against Starsky’s mouth, his tongue licking at that full bottom lip. With a strangled moan somewhere deep inside his chest, Starsky’s mouth opened and let Hutch’s tongue inside. Their tongues met, twisting around one another, as they tasted the flavor of each other’s mouth. Starsky’s hands gripped Hutch’s shoulders, his fingers digging into the muscle and bone as he finally returned the kiss with a wild passion of his own.

Finally, they broke apart, both of them breathing heavily, their faces flushed and their groins aching with unfulfilled need. They clung to each other, reluctant to let go, as if releasing their hold on one another would break the spell of the moment. Starsky spoke first, a hint of amusement in his voice “What the hell was that for, Blintz?”

“I’m not sure…” Hutch said with a soft smile “It just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Not that I’m complaining or anything like that…” Starsky said “But this isn’t the time or the place….not tonight anyway….”

“That’s no problem.” Hutch reassured him, as he ran his fingers through those thick soft curls “This is all new to me too….I never planned on this happening…”

“Neither did I….” Starsky admitted ruefully “But it did and we’re gonna have to talk about it….”

“This can go wherever you want it to, Starsky….its all up to you.” Hutch told him.

“I need to think.” Starsky said, sliding back on the couch and putting some distance between the two men. “I’m not sure what I want right now…”

“Take as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere, partner.” Hutch said “Just remember one thing….nothing has to change if you don’t want it to. I’m not sure what’s happening here either but I do know that I’m not afraid to take this as far as you want it to go.”

“Even if it means hiding how we feel about each other? Even if it means lying to our friends?” Starsky asked “Even if it means that everything they’ve said about us for years, the names they’ve called us behind our backs, are true?”

“Even then.” Hutch said firmly

“Even if it means giving up the dream of the white picket fence, the wife and the kids?”

“That’s always been your dream more than mine, buddy.” Hutch said “Been there and done that and it didn’t work out. I don’t need that dream to feel good about myself.”

“I think I gave up on that dream when Terry died.” Starsky said with a trace of sadness in his voice. “She was my last chance to have a normal life….I lost all that when I lost her.”

“Maybe Terry knew what she was doing when she left Ollie and you to me.” Hutch said with a soft chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

“Maybe she did.” Starsky said with an answering chuckle of his own. He seldom talked about his fiancé who had been brutally murdered by a man seeking revenge on Starsky. After two years, it still hurt too much to talk about the one true love of his life.

“She used to say that we reminded her of an old married couple who’d been together so long they didn’t know how to exist without the other person by their side.”

“She told me when I first met her that she could see how much we loved each other and that she never wanted to do anything to come between that.” Hutch told him, a lump rising in his own throat as he remembered one very special woman. “That she knew she couldn’t love you without loving me too because I was part of the package.”

“I need to go….” Starsky said, slowly shoving himself to his feet “I need to be alone for now….”

Hutch nodded in understanding and rose to his feet to follow Starsky to the door. They paused and looked at each other, communicating silently with their eyes the way they often did. Without hesitation, Hutch brushed another light tender kiss across that cupid bows mouth before Starsky walked out the door. Hutch sighed as he closed the door behind his partner and locked it. Walking over to the window, he pulled back the curtain and watched as his partner exited the building and climbed into his car, driving away. Putting the leftover pizza in the refrigerator, Hutch turned off the lights and threw himself down across his bed without bothering to undress. He fell into a restless sleep, his rest haunted by disturbing dreams, vivid images of Starsky being raped repeatedly by Viet Cong soldiers as his silent screams filled the air.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starsky spent a restless, sleepless night of his own. His emotions were in a turmoil and his mind was confused. The turn in the night’s events had left him feeling disoriented and at loose ends. His confession about his ordeal in Viet Nam had slipped out unintentionally. He had never intended to tell Hutch about that time in his life. It was too painful and sordid. And Hutch’s reaction to that confession (not to mention his kiss) had totally thrown Starsky into a unexpected frenzy. Long forgotten emotions and memories that he thought he had buried deeply in his mind had resurfaced and he wasn’t sure how to deal with them.

His lips still tingled with the memory of Hutch’s kiss. A kiss that he had longed for longer than he cared to remember. His cock twitched with the memory, growing hard against his will. Staring into the darkness, he slipped his hand into the sweat pants he had changed into to soothe the ache that was driving him crazy. Closing his eyes, he let himself remember the feel of Hutch’s kiss as he furiously stroked himself. Breathing heavily, he moaned softly as he felt his balls tightening in anticipation of his climax. With a strangled cry, his back arched upward as his body exploded, his seed spilling out over his hand. Panting, he collapsed back onto the bed and let himself drift in the afterglow of his orgasm, finally falling into a light doze as some of the tension was released from his body.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day things appeared to be back to normal between the two partners. Each of them carefully avoided discussing the events of the night before but it lingered there between them, unspoken but not forgotten. They knew they would have to discuss it sooner or later but for now they each decided it was best left alone until they each sorted out their feelings about the sudden shift in their relationship. They had a four-day weekend coming up and they had already decided to go away before everything else had happened. Maybe that would give them the time and privacy they needed to reach some resolutions about where they wanted their relationship to go or if they wanted it to remain the way it had always been. After they got off duty for the day, they each went back to their own apartment to pack and get ready for their departure early the next morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starsky picked Hutch up at six-thirty the next morning. They chatted amicably as they loaded their supplies and bags into the trunk of the Torino. They were going to a resort about a two-hour drive from Bay City. They had made the reservations over a month ago. It had the best of both worlds, something that appealed to both of them. For Hutch, the nature boy at heart, it had hiking trails, a lake for fishing, and woods to explore. For Starsky, the stereotypical city boy, it had a restaurant, modern cabins with all the amenities, a tiny general store and souvenir shops.

They kept up a light banter between them as Starsky followed Hutch’s directions on how to get there. When they finally arrived, Starsky waited in the car while Hutch went inside to confirm their reservations and to pick up the key to their cabin. He came back out in a few minutes and told Starsky “Take that drive to your left. It’s the last cabin on the right.”

Starsky turned down the drive Hutch indicated and drove past a row of widely spaced cabins, all on the right hand side of the road until he reached the last one in the row. He pulled up in front and the two men climbed out of the car. From the outside, the cabin resembled an old fashioned wood cabin with a wrap around porch. They climbed the steps to the front door and Hutch unlocked the door so they could step inside. The interior of the cabin was a pleasant surprise. The main room was spacious with a fully equipped kitchen to the right, separated from the rest of the room by a breakfast bar. The main room had a huge stone fireplace built into the far wall and a set of sliding glass doors that opened onto a back deck. A doorway on either side of the fireplace opened into the bedrooms, each with its own private bath.

“This is great.” Starsky said with a huge grin as he looked at his surroundings. “Now this is what I call camping.”

“You would.” Hutch said good-naturedly. “And we’ve got four whole days to enjoy ourselves and relax. Let’s get the car unloaded.”

It didn’t take long to bring in their bags and the few extra supplies they had brought with them. Stowing their bags in the bedrooms, Hutch put the perishables they had bought in the refrigerator while Starsky checked out the TV reception. Since they had stopped to eat on the road, neither of them was ready for lunch yet. Hutch decided to check around outside while Starsky stayed in the cabin to watch an old movie he’d found on TV. They both were in desperate need of this time away, even if it was only for a few days. The stress of their job kept them in a constant state of readiness, tense moments of extreme highs, followed by a sudden letdown of adrenaline, combined with periods of mind numbing boredom, which left them physically exhausted. That was why it was imperative that they made the time to get away like this whenever they could.

When Hutch returned two hours later, they made a light lunch consisting of sandwiches and soup washed down with plenty of coffee. They spent the rest of the afternoon just walking around the resort, taking in the sights and familiarizing themselves with the facilities. They decided to have supper at the family style restaurant that catered to the resort. After they had eaten, they returned to their cabin for the evening. They both took a shower and changed into sweatpants and tee shirts to sleep in.

As they sat on the sofa, sipping beer and watching a movie on TV, Hutch decided to bring up the subject they had both been avoiding for the past two days.

“Are you okay with what happened the other night?” he asked as a way of breaking the ice.

Starsky took a sip of his beer and glanced at his partner. “Yeah. Are you?” he asked, a slight tightening of his stomach muscles betraying his sudden bout of nerves.

“Yeah, I am.” Hutch said, casually resting his arm on the back of the sofa behind Starsky. “I told you….I’m okay with this whole thing….no matter what happens.”

“What do you want to happen, Hutch?” Starsky asked, “Do you want us to just have a one night stand and see what happens or do you want something more than that?”

“You could never be just a one night stand to me, Starsk.” Hutch said softly “I care too much about you for that.”

“Do you have any idea what you’re suggesting here, babe?” Starsky said, looking at his partner closely to gauge his reactions. “Once we cross that line, there’s no turning back.”

“Maybe I wanna cross that line with you…” Hutch said seriously, letting the arm that was resting on the back of the couch fall around his partner’s shoulders.

“You trying to seduce me, partner?” Starsky asked with a smirk on his face.

“If that’s what it takes.” Hutch told him with a confident smile on his lips. “I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it.”

“You really think that Hutchinson charm is gonna work on me the way it does on the ladies?” Starsky countered with a chuckle “Don’t forget I know you too well for that, Blintz.”

“Okay, you got me there, Gordo.” Hutch said with a laugh. He tightened his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders and pulled him closer, so they were sitting side by side on the sofa. Starsky leaned against Hutch’s side, relaxing in his embrace and comfortable with the closeness they had always shared towards each other. “So if you’re not going to let me seduce you, then where do we go from here?”

“The last two days all I’ve been able to think about is how we’ve always been there for each other, no matter what happens. How we know each other inside and out, both the good points and the bad ones. How we spend most of our time together, even when we’re off duty….” Starsky said thoughtfully “Ever since Terry died, it seems like the only reason I’ve gone out with a woman was for the sex….everything else I needed I already got from you.”

“It’s been that way for me too….for a long time.” Hutch admitted, “That’s the only thing we’ve never done together. Hell, we’ve already slept together…just without sex before hand.”

Starsky chuckled again as he took another swallow of his beer. “I could make you feel good, Hutch….I could make you feel real good.” He said quietly, looking deeply into those light blue eyes before him.

“I could make you feel real good too, buddy.” Hutch said, lifting his other hand and running it through those thick soft curls. “I know I could…..”

“I know you could…..” Starsky admitted, “Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Why?” Hutch asked in a surprised voice. “Isn’t that what sex is all about…...making your partner feel real good? A way of showing someone how much you care…how much you love them?”

“That’s only if you remember their name the next morning.” Starsky said dryly “Otherwise, it’s just a way to get your own rocks off.”

“I promise, buddy…I’ll remember your name in the morning.” Hutch teased him with a grin. Starsky’s laughter filled the air, the sound making Hutch smile with pleasure.

The smile faded from his face as Hutch’s voice turned serious “I want you, Starsk…I’m not going to deny that. It’s all I’ve been able to think about for the past two days.”

“I know. Me too.” Starsky admitted, swallowing hard as his cock twitched with excitement. “But I’m still not sure if I can go through with it…..”

“Because of what happened in Viet Nam?” Hutch questioned gently.

“Yeah….” Starsky said, licking his lips nervously.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do, Starsk…and we can take things just as slow as you want. I just want to hold you and fall asleep with you in my arms. We don’t have to do anymore than that until you’re ready.”

“Promise?” Starsky said with a slight tremble in his voice, still uncertain about the intensity of his own emotions where his blond partner was concerned.

“I promise.” Hutch said, bending his head and silencing Starsky’s fears with a tender, lingering kiss that sent his overheated system into overdrive. He was visibly trembling when they finally drew apart.

“You’re way too good at that, Blintz.” Starsky told him with a shaky smile. “I could be in a lot of trouble here.”

“The only place I want you right now is in my bed.” Hutch said in a determined voice. With those challenging words, he shoved himself to his feet and grabbed Starsky’s hand pulling him up off the couch. Before Starsky could protest, Hutch led him into the bedroom on the left side of the fireplace. They paused beside the king sized bed, looking at each other nervously. Hutch reached out to tug at the bottom of Starsky’s tee shirt. Starsky lifted his arms and let him pull it off over his head. Hutch quickly discarded his own tee shirt so that they were both bare chested. He wrapped his arms around Starsky’s waist and pulled him close, delighting in the feel of the soft matt of fur on the other man’s chest against his skin.

When he bent his head to kiss him again, Starsky wrapped his arms around Hutch’s neck and returned the kiss enthusiastically. That was all it took for the simmering fire between them to burst into flame. Hutch eased him down onto the bed without breaking the kiss, his cock growing hard inside his shorts. He could feel the same hardness in the warm body beneath him. An unfamiliar sensation that would take some getting used to but one that was highly arousing just the same. Their kiss deepened as they maneuvered themselves around until they were stretched out in the middle of the bed, lying side by side, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Hutch….I can’t breathe…” Starsky gasped, as he broke the kiss, panting heavily. “You keep that up and I’m gonna cream my jeans.”

“Go ahead…” Hutch said with a wicked smile. “I like knowing I have that effect on you.” To emphasize his words, he reached down and cupped the heavy bulge in Starsky’s sweatpants in the palm of his hand. Starsky yelped in surprise and hissed sharply through his teeth as he threw back his head and arched his back. A moment later, his sharp cry of pleasure filled the air and Hutch felt the wetness soaking into his crotch.

Hutch grinned with pleasure as he looked at the expression on his partner’s rugged features as he climaxed. His entire body trembled as his hips bucked involuntarily against Hutch’s hand as his body exploded in ecstasy. Finally, he collapsed against the mattress, his body still trembling as he waited for his breathing and heart rate to return to normal. It was several long minutes before he finally found his voice again.

“Damn!” he said a flush creeping into his cheeks as he looked at his partner with a wide grin. “I haven’t cum that hard since I was thirteen.”

“Yeah, and I didn’t even do that much.” Hutch couldn’t resist teasing him “Just wait until we really get down to business.”

Starsky chuckled softly “At this rate I’ll die of a heart attack before we get that far.”

“But at least you’ll die a happy man.”

“You got that right.” Starsky said with a growl deep in his chest as he moved in for another kiss. It was Hutch’s turn to gasp as he felt Starsky’s hand slip under the waistband of his sweatpants, his fingers wrapping around Hutch’s throbbing cock. The tall blond moaned deeply against his new lover’s mouth as he felt those magic fingers stroking his shaft, the thumb running over the crown gently. A moment later, he felt that familiar tightening in his balls and the tingling deep inside his groin. With a cry of joy, his body exploded, his seed spilling out over Starsky’s hand as he came in his pants too.

Starsky’s soft laughter filled his ears as he collapsed against the bed, lost in the aftermath of his own orgasm. He felt Starsky pulling his hand out from inside his pants and wiping his fingers off against his leg. Still trembling with the unexpected intensity of his own climax, Hutch heard Starsky whisper in his ear, “Now we’re even.”

“Jesus….” Hutch said when he finally regained his ability to speak “You’re right….we’re gonna kill each other before we get to the good stuff.”

“Maybe….” Starsky told him in a teasing tone “But right now….we both need another shower.”

“Together?” Hutch said suggestively, arching his eyebrows playfully.

“Sounds good to me.” Starsky said, sliding off the bed and reaching out for Hutch’s hand to pull him off the bed. They went into the bed room and shed the remainder of their clothes. As Starsky reached into the tub to turn on the shower and adjust the water to a comfortable temperature, Hutch couldn’t resist looking at his nude body. He had seen Starsky nude hundreds of times before but he’d never looked at him with the eyes of lover before. He decided he definitely liked what he saw.

He had always envied Starsky’s finely muscled chest with it’s light covering of curly hair. He watched with interest as those muscles stretched underneath his skin as he moved. In spite of his compact stature, Hutch knew that Starsky was a lot stronger and more flexible than he appeared to be. His eyes drifted down to the slender hips and the semi-erect cock that nestled between his legs. He’d always known that Starsky was well endowed from having seen him numerous times in the shower or from tending to his most intimate needs when he was injured. He’d even seen Starsky numerous times with an early morning erection whenever they spent the night at one another’s apartment but this was the first time he viewed that part of Starsky’s body in a more personal and intimate way.

His cock was long and thick with a circumcised crown, nestled in a thick bush of wiry dark curls. The heavy fur covered sack hung between his muscular thighs, moving freely with a grace of his own. The ass cheeks were full and whiter than the rest of his deeply tanned skin. Hutch found himself longing to reach out and touch those mounds of flesh, to feel them beneath his hands.

Starsky glanced over his shoulder, grinning when he noticed Hutch’s close scrutiny. “You admiring the view or what?” he asked

“As a matter of fact I am.” Hutch admitted, feeling the heat creeping up his neck and into his face. He hated being so fair skinned. Starsky had always loved to make him blush. He blushed even more as Starsky turned to eye him with the same close scrutiny that he had been giving the dark haired man just moments ago.

Starsky let his gaze slowly drift over Hutch’s body, deciding he liked what he saw. He had always known that Hutch was a very attractive man and that when they were together, they made a striking contrast to each other. With his golden blond hair and ice blue eyes, Hutch could make any woman drool. He had the fair skin that went along with being a natural blond but unlike a lot of blonds who burned easily in the sun, Hutch’s skin tanned to a soft golden shade that accented his coloring perfectly.

Although at first glance his finely muscled chest appeared to be hairless, Starsky knew that it was covered with a fine coating of sparse hair so light that it was almost invisible. His long legs were in perfect proportion with the rest of his well toned body. His cock was in proportion with the rest of his body, only slightly longer and thicker than Starsky’s own. Unlike Starsky, he was uncut, the foreskin covering the crown unless he was aroused. The heavy sack between his legs was covered with a light coating of fur that was a darker blond than the rest of his body and the only other hair on his body that was immediately noticeable. Starsky grinned as he imagined himself becoming more intimately acquainted with that particular part of Hutch’s anatomy. His initial fears about taking their relationship to a new level were temporarily silenced.

He stepped into the tub and waited as Hutch stepped in behind him. They stood facing each other, each of them smiling shyly, still awed by the freshness of their newfound intimacy. As Starsky stood there, the spray from the shower raining down over his shoulders, Hutch reached for the soap and a washrag. Smiling gently, he began washing Starsky’s body, carefully avoiding his groin area where his cock was quickly expressing a renewed interest. They stared into each other’s eyes, communicating without words, as Hutch slowly bathed him. There was a simplistic, yet erotic, feel to the act that quickly aroused them both.

When Hutch finally cradled his balls in his hand to wash them, Starsky gasped and thrust his hips forward, his cock desperately seeking more attention. After he finished bathing his testicles, Hutch finally grasped his rock hard erection and gently washed it off, keeping his touch light enough to stimulate but not enough to send him over the edge.

Starsky grunted in surprise as Hutch suddenly dropped to his knees in front of him and leaned forward to run his tongue over the softness of the crown, sending chills down

Starsky’s spine. Instinctively, he threw back his hands and grabbed the handrail on the wall behind him, bracing himself to keep his balance. He closed his eyes and threw back his head, losing himself in the pleasure as Hutch slowly ran his tongue around the ridge just beneath the crown.

“Tell me how you like it.” Hutch whispered, glancing up at his partner’s face. He had never done anything like this before and had never expected to but now that he was, he wanted to do it the way that Starsky liked it done so he could give him the most pleasure possible from this intimate act of love.

Starsky moaned deeply and said breathlessly “Lick right behind the head.” Hutch ran his tongue around the ridge until he felt the small scar from Starsky’s circumcision. “Oh, yeah…right there…just like that.” Starsky said letting him know that he had found the right spot. Hutch opened his mouth and slipped just the head into his mouth, being careful not to brush it with his teeth. Starsky groan went straight to his own cock as he began sucking gently as he continued to rub his tongue against the spot at the back of the crown. He wrapped his fingers around the shaft, stroking gently in rhythm with his suckling. He felt Starsky’s hand closing over his, showing him the rhythm and the grip he liked the best. Once Hutch had it right, Starsky removed his hand and began bucking his hips, shoving more of his cock into Hutch’s mouth. Hutch coughed involuntarily as he felt the head of Starsky’s cock at the back of his throat and Starsky immediately backed off a little.

Starsky cried out as Hutch used his free hand to fondle the heavy balls in the palm of his hand, gently squeezing and caressing the heavy fur lined sack. As Starsky’s moans deepened, Hutch could feel his balls tightening up against his body as he edged closer and closer to the point of no return. “Huuuutch….can’t hold it….” He cried out in warning “Gonna cum…..” Instead of pulling away as Starsky expected him to, Hutch continued sucking as Starsky’s body exploded, filling his mouth with cum. Too inexperienced to suck and swallow at the same time, Hutch swallowed what he could and let the rest dribble out the side of his mouth. The taste was similar to his own, yet different at the same time, more tangy and salty with a thicker texture. He continued, milking Starsky dry and taking all he had to give, before carefully letting the oversensitive cock slip out of his mouth. Starsky sagged against the wall and would have fallen if Hutch hadn’t reached out and grabbed him, wrapping his arms around his waist to support his weight until he regained his balance.

As Starsky looked at him, his eyes dark with passion and desire, his curls dripping water down his face, Hutch leaned in and kissed him, letting him taste himself in Hutch’s mouth, mixed with Hutch’s own unique taste.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Starsky said with a mix of fondness and gratitude in his voice as he cupped his hand against Hutch’s cheek.

“I wanted to.” Hutch told him with a tender smile as he leaned into his lover’s touch.

“What about you?” Starsky asked

“I’m fine.” Hutch reassured him “I came while I was doing you.”

Starsky looked at him in surprise. He had been so wrapped up in his own pleasure, he hadn’t noticed. “Well, the least I can do after that is wash you off.” He said, reaching for the soap and the washrag. Hutch grinned happily and switched places with him so that he was standing beneath the spray of water which had chilled to a lukewarm temperature. He sighed in pleasure as Starsky took his time washing him, his hands caressing the tall blond’s body with loving care as he bathed him. Finally, just as the water turned cold, the two men finished their shower and stepped out of the tub. They took turns drying each other off and then went back into the bedroom. Climbing back into bed, they pulled the sheet up over their naked bodies and curled up in each other’s arms, quickly falling asleep, content and deeply satisfied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starsky slowly drifted towards alertness, feeling the lethargy that always followed a night of good sex. He snuggled up against the warmth of the body lying beside him, his eyes snapping open when he felt firm muscles and bone where there should have been soft curves. As his head cleared, the events from the night before flooded back into his mind and he smiled happily as he spooned up against the broad back of his partner and new lover. Starsky closed his eyes and let himself drift back to sleep as he remembered that they had three more days off to enjoy themselves before they had to go back to work.

When he opened his eyes again, he was alone in the bed and the aroma of bacon and eggs filled the air. Bouncing to his feet, he hurried into the bathroom to relieve himself and then grabbed a pair of Hutch’s sweatpants to slip on since his clothes were all in the other bedroom. He walked out of the bedroom and saw Hutch in the kitchen, busy cooking breakfast. He was whistling softly as he cooked, a sure sign that he was in a good mood.

Slipping up behind him, Starsky wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned against his back, his lips brushing against the back of his neck. “Good morning.” Hutch said with an easy chuckle “How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have in a long time.” Starsky told him, reluctantly releasing him from his embrace.

“So did I.” Hutch told him as he turned around and pulled Starsky into his arms, bending down to give him a deep lingering kiss that made the smaller man’s toes curl.

“Oh, man….” Starsky whispered as they broke apart “I could get used to this.”

“You’d better get used to it.” Hutch told him firmly “Cause now that I’ve got you, I don’t plan on ever letting you go.”

“Is that a proposal, baby blue?” Starsky asked with a grin.

“Take it anyway you want it.” Hutch said, nuzzling his lips against the side of Starsky’s neck. Starsky giggled as he found a particularly sensitive spot and sucked at it gently. “I told you, Starsk…this isn’t just some one night stand….not for me.”

“It isn’t for me either.” Starsky told him, his eyes softening with love for the man standing before him. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Hutch, and that scares the hell out of me.”

“Why?” Hutch asked in a surprised voice, his eyes widening with alarm. “That should be a good thing. Right?”

“Yeah, if you weren’t a six foot two blond who also happens to be my partner.” Starsky said “And my best friend.”

“So what’s the problem?” Hutch asked in a puzzled voice.

“What are we supposed to do, Hutch, when we leave here and go back to the real world? We can’t tell anybody about us….not if we wanna keep our jobs and probably most of our friends.” Starsky pointed out, surprised at the pang of sorrow and regret he felt at his own words.

“I don’t care about any of that.” Hutch said in a firm, determined voice “Not as long as we’re together.” He felt a sudden fear clutching at his heart as Starsky’s words brought down his mood. “Because I’m already in love with you….”

“So what do we do? We can’t move in together…that would be too obvious. We’d have to keep our apartments and lie to everybody….I just don’t know if I can do that for very long.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Hutch said, trying desperately to recapture the joy he’d felt when he woke up that morning with an armful of Starsky.

“Hey, its okay, babe….” Starsky said his eyes softening as he saw how upset Hutch was getting. “You’re right….we’ll figure something out.” He smiled to lighten the mood and gave Hutch another long slow kiss. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

“That sounds like the Starsky I know.” Hutch told him with a grief, relieved that Starsky had changed the subject. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. Not now. Not this morning. Not when their love affair was still so new to both of them. Somehow, in the space of a few days, he had fallen completely head over heels, madly in love with his curly headed partner and he didn’t want to jeopardize that. This was one relationship that was too special and too sacred to him to lose. He had to find a way to convince Starsky that they could overcome any lingering doubts or fears he still had about them taking their relationship to this new level. Hutch could feel his own insecurities mounting, threatening to overwhelm him along with his fear of losing the one person who meant more to him than anything else in his life. He couldn’t let that happen. There had to be a way to solve this dilemma, a way for them to be together as lovers without jeopardizing their careers, their partnership or more importantly, their friendship.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They spent the rest of the day alone, walking through woods, following one of the numerous hiking trails at the resort. They didn’t speak again of their conversation that morning, instead talking about trivial things and joking between themselves the way they always had. But Starsky’s words lay there between them, highlighting the problems they would have in their day to day lives once they returned to the city, especially if they returned as illicit lovers.

After supper, they curled up together on the sofa and tried to watch TV but each of them stared at the screen without being able to concentrate, lost instead in their own thoughts. Finally, Hutch reached for Starsky, pulling into his arms and Starsky went willingly, longing for more of the big blond’s touch and his hungry kisses. Soon they moved to the bedroom, discarding their clothes on the way.

Starsky clung to Hutch with a desperation that startled the blond, not sure what was going through that curly head. His touch seemed to ignite a blaze inside the smaller man that demanded to be put out before it burned him alive. Hutch tried to soothe him with gentle caresses but not only seemed to enflame him more. There was a wild look in Starsky’s eyes that Hutch had never seen there before as his moans and cries of pure pleasure filled the air when Hutch took him in his mouth once more. He came quickly and then collapsed on the bed, his body shuddering with release.

“Shhhh….it’s okay, I got you.” Hutch whispered as he gathered Starsky in his arms and held him close.

“Hutch, don’t leave me….” Starsky gasped almost incoherently “Please don’t leave me….god, I’m so fucked up right now…”

“Shhhh…..I’m no going anywhere.” Hutch said trying to soothe his frantic partner. He knew there was something else going on inside of Starsky, something that had triggered his irrational and alarming behavior. “I’ll never leave you….I promise.”

After several long minutes, Starsky’s breathing slowed down and he seemed to get calmer, even though he was still trembling. “I’m sorry….I’m so sorry…” he whimpered against Hutch’s shoulder.

“About what?” Hutch asked “Tell me what’s going on in your head, Starsk….”

“I’m scared….I’m so scared….” He whispered in a barely audible voice.

“About what?” Hutch probed gently, sensing that Starsky’s deep seated fear was related to what had happened to him in Viet Nam and that he needed to deal with it before he could ever heal completely from what had happened to him over there.

“Of you…of me…of us being together like this.” He said breathing faster as his anxiety level started to rise again. “Of losing you….”

“That’s not about to happen.” Hutch told him firmly “Because I’m not going to let it happen.”

“I’m damaged goods, Hutch.” He said with a faint crack in his voice. “Sooner or later, I lose everybody I love…I couldn’t bear losing you too…”

“You’re not going to!” Hutch insisted, trying to put his mind at ease. “Besides I’ve never had any better luck than you when it comes to women….I always seem to fuck things up…but what we have is special…it always had been. I’m not going to let anything fuck that up….”

“God…it feels so good when you touch me….” He said in a broken voice “It’s so incredible….but then I close my eyes and I see their faces….I feel their hands touching me…and it gets all mixed up in my head….”

“Shhh…..” Hutch said gently caressing him to calm him back down. “They can’t hurt you anymore…..not unless you let them.” He buried his cheek in the soft curls nestled against his shoulder “What they did to you was terrible and I hate that you had to suffer like that…that you had to keep all of that inside of you all these years. I wish I could take away the pain and give you back what they took from you….but I can’t.” A sob caught in his own throat as he continued. “All I can do is love you, the only way I know how until I can prove to you that it doesn’t have to hurt anymore.” A single tear from his eye as he said “Please….let me love you, Starsky….the way you deserve to be loved. Let me show you just how good it can be between us if you just let it.” He gently began rocking the body he held in his arms “Please don’t be afraid to let me love you and to love me in return.”

Suddenly, Starsky began to cry, deep heart wrenching sobs that tore at Hutch’s heart and soul. Hutch clung to him tightly and let Starsky cry, as he finally started to rid himself of all the pain and shame he’d carried buried deep inside of himself for all those years. Letting go of the sense of corruption and unworthiness that had doomed all of his previous relationships, except for the one he’d had with Terry. Finally, Starsky’s tears stopped and he fell into a deep exhausted sleep, still cradled tightly in Hutch’s arms.

Hutch lay there, staring into the darkness, praying that Starsky’s breakdown had been a blessing in disguise that would pave the way to a better, healthier relationship between the two of them. One that would allow Starsky to accept the shift in their relationship and let them remain lovers instead of merely best friends.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hutch was alarmed when he awoke early the next morning and found Starsky gone from his bed. Jumping to his feet, he checked the bathroom but Starsky wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the other bedroom either. Hutch was terrified that Starsky had left and gone back to the city without him until he saw the note lying on the breakfast bar written in Starsky’s familiar, almost illegible, left-handed scrawl.

Blintz,

Don’t worry about me. I just need to be alone for a while. I’ll be back later. Everything is going to be okay.

Stask

Hutch breathed a deep sigh of relief and hoped that Starsky was right about everything being okay when he got back. He tried to distract himself by fixing something to eat and then going for a long walk but nothing seemed to help. As he headed back around noon, he was relieved to see the familiar red and white car parked back in front of the cabin. As he hurried through the front door Starsky, who was sitting at the breakfast bar drinking a beer, glanced up at him and smiled shyly. “Hi.” He said softly.

“Hi, yourself.” Hutch said relaxing fully for the first time all morning. He wanted to grab him and kiss him senseless but he hesitated, waiting until he could determine his mood.

“You were right….I have to find a way to deal with what happened to me over there…..I can’t let it destroy what we have between us.” Starsky said, looking at Hutch with eyes that were filled with nothing but love and sincerity.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Hutch told him “What can I do to help?”

“Just keep being there…the way you always are.” Starsky told him with a faint smile. “I can’t promise you that I won’t go nuts on you again but for now I think I’ve got my head on pretty straight for the first time in a long time.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t go nuts on me once in a while.” Hutch said to lighten the mood and ease the tension in the air.

Starsky laughed and then looked at Hutch somberly. “I called Ma.” He said, “I talked to her for a long time.” He paused for several long seconds and then added, “I told her about us.”

“You told your mother about us?” Hutch said in a startled voice, an involuntary blush creeping into his face.

“Yeah, pretty corny, huh?” Starsky said with a chuckle. “Believe it or not, she was okay with it…once she got over the shock of finding out I was in love with my best friend.”

“I still can’t believe you told your mother.” Hutch said, crossing the room to his partner and reaching out to wrap his arms around him. “That’s not exactly the kind of thing most mothers want to hear from their sons.”

“Yeah, well I don’t think that’s what Ma wanted to hear either….but she said all she really wanted was for me to be happy. And she said that she knew you could make me happy.” He sighed softly and leaned his head against Hutch’s shoulder.

“I guess there’s nothing like having your mother’s stamp of approval.”

“I guess not.” Starsky answered with a chuckle. He raised his head and looked deeply into Hutch’s eyes. Kissing him gently, he said quietly “I want you, Ken Hutchinson….for as long as you’ll have me.”

“You’ve already got me, David Starsky….for the next fifty or sixty years if we’re lucky.”

“You’re planning to grow old together, huh?” Starsky said with a twinkle in his eyes. “You gonna make an honest man out of me?”

“I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.” Hutch said sincerely.

“I don’t wanna sneak around and lie to our friends, Hutch.” Starsky said slowly, not sure how Hutch was going to react to what he had to say. “I want us to live together…just like any other couple who happened to fall in love. I know we have to be careful because of our jobs…but I don’t want to lie anymore than we have to.”

“I don’t have any problem with that.” Hutch said “If I could, I’d tell the whole damn world that I loved you.”

“I mean….as far as work goes….we wouldn’t be the first friends to move in together to share the expenses.”

“You got that right….I.A. can’t crucify us for that….although I’m sure they’ll try to make something out of it.”

“Not as long as we’re careful. We’ll still have to find a place with two bedrooms just for appearances sake.” Starsky pointed out. He grinned wickedly “Maybe we should thank Harris…if it wasn’t for him none of this would have ever happened.”

“I think we’ll let that one slide…..” Hutch said with a laugh. “People are gonna believe what they wanna believe about us….no matter what we say.”

“Yeah….but this time they’ll be right when they call us cock suckers….they just won’t know it.” Starsky replied with a huge grin.

“So who else do you plan on letting in on our little secret?”

“Huggy for one….and maybe Minnie. I’m not sure about Captain Dobey.”

“I agree with telling Huggy and maybe Minnie but I think we’d better hold off for awhile on Dobey.” Hutch said thoughtfully. “He’s still our boss and we’d be asking a hell of a lot for him to keep any knowledge of our private lives a secret.”

“I guess you’re right. Are you planning on telling anyone in your family?”

“Not particularly…..they’ve already disowned me for becoming a cop….I think I’ll just keep this little secret until something happens and I need to really shake them up.”

“That should do it.” Starsky said with a hearty laugh. He slid off the stool and grabbed Hutch’s hand, tugging him across the room. “We still have a day and a half left before we have to go back to the city......so, what do you say we spend it in bed?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Hutch said with a smirk, as he followed his unpredictable partner back to the bedroom. One thing was for sure; with Starsky around Hutch never got bored.

THE END

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