WAITING

Here I am again. Waiting. But this time I’m waiting for Starsky to die. The doctors said he suffered massive damage, too much damage to survive. What will my life be without him in it? I don’t even want to think about that. Without him, I have no life, at least not one worth living.

Over the years, he has become so much a part of me that without him, I’m only half a man. If he dies, then I have no reason to go on alone. I’ll find the man responsible for doing this to him and make sure he pays and then I’ll join my partner in death. I already feel like as if I’m dead. The pain of watching him suffer is tearing me apart. The machines are the only thing keeping him alive. I know he never wanted to end up like this but as long as there’s even a shred of hope, I can’t let him go. I can’t let them turn off those machines that are keeping him here with me.

If that’s wrong, then I hope that he can forgive me for keeping him here instead of letting him go. But letting him go is something I just can’t do, not yet. Not ever. It hurts. Oh, God…it hurts. Waiting. I just hope when the time comes for him to go, it’s quick and he doesn’t suffer anymore. But my pain will never end, not until I join him. Together, me and thee, the way it’s supposed to be.