MISSING SCENE FROM SWEET REVENGE
Starsky is out of the
coma and Gunther is under arrest, it seems like the worst is over. Now, it is
time for Hutch to finally fall apart.
Beta Read by ProvencePuss.
Hutch looked down at his sleeping partner and felt the lump rising in his throat. It had been close, too damn close this time. He had almost lost Starsky. He had almost lost the one thing that meant more to him than anything else in his life. Almost four days without much food and too little rest was taking its toll. Hutch could barely manage to stay upright.
He felt a light touch on his arm and turned his head to look into Huggy Bear’s soft brown eyes, eyes that showed the barkeeper’s concern for his friend.
“You should go home and get some sleep. Curly’s in good hands.” Huggy said.
Hutch nodded, the words barely registering in his weary mind. His body sagged as his knees gave way. He would have fallen if Huggy hadn’t slipped a supportive arm around his waist and eased him down onto the chair sitting beside the bed. A strangled sob escaped from his lips as the tears suddenly ran down his face unchecked. Every muscle in his exhausted body began to tremble violently as he buried his face in his hands.
“I failed him, Hug…I failed him and Starsky almost died because of it.” Hutch’s muffled voice said.
“You didn’t fail him!” Huggy said firmly, squeezing Hutch’s shoulder reassuringly. “You found the monster behind this and brought him to justice.” He knew that his words brought little comfort to the distraught blond. Hutch would incorporate the guilt he felt at being unable to prevent Starsky from being shot four times at close range and find a way to blame himself. Starsky was the only one who was able to reason with Hutch when he got like this, and at the moment, Starsky was available to his guilt-ridden partner.
“I told him to get down…” Hutch sobbed, “Why didn’t he get down when I told him to?”
“Because Curly did what he always does when you’re in danger. He tried to protect you.” Huggy told him gently. The tall thin black man took a slow, deep breath. “He had no place to go. It all happened too fast. No matter what he did, he would have still have gotten hit.”
Hutch shook his head in denial and stammered, “I g..g..got down. I should have stayed on my feet to protect him, l..l..like he did me.”
“Come on, Blondie.” Huggy said, grabbing Hutch’s arm and pulling him to his feet. “Let’s get some food into you and get you home so you can get a shower, change clothes and get some sleep.”
“Noooooo…” Hutch said in a long drawn out voice. “I have to stay here with Starsky. He needs me.” Another sob wracked the tall, lean body. “He died once because I wasn’t here. It could happen again.”
“You ain’t gonna do him no good if you end up in here yourself.” Huggy pointed out patiently, wrapping his arm around Hutch’s waist to steady him. Hutch meekly allowed Huggy to lead him out into the hallway. He hesitated and glanced back at the still figure lying on the bed.
“I’m scared, Hug…” Hutch whimpered “What if…”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Blondie.” Huggy said insistently. “Starsky wouldn’t want to see you like this. He needs you to be strong for him…and that means he needs you to be rested and clear-headed.” Huggy tugged gently on Hutch’s arm to keep him moving down the hallway. Hutch hesitated again for a moment and then followed with faltering steps that betrayed the exhaustion of his body.
Nothing more was said between the two friends as they left the hospital and crossed the parking lot to where Hutch had left his battered LTD. Hutch made no objection as Huggy settled him into the passenger’s side of the vehicle and then held out his hand for the keys. Hutch dug the keys out of his jeans and handed them to Huggy with a heavy sigh.
Huggy slid in beneath the wheel and put the key in the ignition. The engine sputtered a few times before finally starting. Hutch leaned his head back against the worn leather seat and closed his eyes. Huggy cast a worried glance at the big blond as he pulled out of the parking lot and steered the car in the direction of Hutch’s apartment. Although Hutch’s eyes were closed, he was not asleep. Every muscle was twitching with exhaustion, his long fingers flexing and unflexing against the denim fabric of his jeans.
His face was drawn with dark circles under his eyes and sunken cheeks.
When Huggy
reached
“Sit.” Huggy said, depositing the lanky blond on the sofa. “I’ll see if you have anything worth eating in the kitchen.”
“ ‘m not hungry.” Hutch muttered
“Uh huh…” Huggy said, ignoring Hutch’s protests. “You’re still gonna eat something.” He rustled around in the kitchen, making a fresh pot of coffee and scrambling some eggs. Buttering two pieces of toast, he arranged the food on a plate and carried it into Hutch. Hutch accepted it and slowly began to eat under Huggy’s watchful eye.
It wasn’t until he actually started eating that Hutch realized just how hungry he was. After cleaning the plate and drinking a cup of coffee, Hutch’s eyes started drooping heavily. Huggy helped him to his feet and into his bedroom, where Hutch immediately collapsed, face first and fully clothed, on his bed. Huggy slipped back into the other room. It wasn’t long before he heard the muffled sounds of sobs coming from the bedroom. The tall black man felt his heart breaking at the sounds of Hutch’s pain but he knew that the big blond needed to release the fear and grief of the last few days.
Both Starsky and Hutch were proud, strong men with the majority of their strength coming from their friendship and the close bond they shared. That bond and friendship had almost been shattered by the attempt on Starsky’s life. Huggy had no doubt that if Starsky had died, Hutch would have found a way to die too. They were two parts of the same whole, two souls joined together at the most basic level. One without the other could not survive. For over four days, Hutch had lived with the constant terror of losing Starsky at any time, including that terrible moment when his heart did stop and the doctors almost didn’t get it started again. Huggy would always believe that a miracle had taken place when Starsky’s heart started at the exact moment Hutch came barreling through the doors to the ICU at a dead run.
Finally, the muffled sounds from the bedroom ceased. Huggy silently crossed to the open doorway and looked inside. Hutch appeared to be sleeping heavily, his face still streaked with tears, his arms clutching his pillow almost protectively. Huggy knew there was nothing he could do for Hutch except to be there if he needed him. He was a poor substitute for Starsky. Huggy knew that. But he would have to do.
Huggy made a bed for himself on the sofa and then washed up the few dirty dishes there were in the kitchen. He tried watching TV but found himself unable to concentrate on the screen. This had been a traumatic experience for everyone who was close to the two detectives. But Huggy knew it was ten times worse for Hutch himself. Starsky’s scars would be physical and easily seen but Hutch’s would remain hidden from sight, scars on his very soul. The image of his partner’s mangled body lying on the pavement beside his car as his life’s blood pooled beneath his body would forever be burned into his mind.
A sudden commotion from the bedroom brought Huggy to his feet. He hurried to the doorway to find Hutch throwing things around the room, his eyes wild and unfocused.
“HUTCH!” Huggy yelled trying to get the blond detective’s attention. He knew better than to approach the raging man until he calmed down. He had seen Hutch like this before, hurting and out of control, venting his emotions the only way he knew how. To get too close would be pure insanity on Huggy’s part and his mama didn’t raise no fools.
Hutch’s rage continued unabated until he slammed his fist against the mirror on his dresser, shattering it. The shock of his action, combined with the pain that flared through his hand and up his arm, seemed to stun him back into an awareness of his surroundings. With a moan, he sank down on the edge of his bed, cradling his injured hand close to his chest.
“Let me see.” Huggy said, hurrying to his side and reaching out to examine the injured hand. Hutch held out his hand sheepishly. His knuckles were bruised and bleeding but nothing seemed to be broken. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” Huggy said, as he hurried into the bathroom to get some bandages and antiseptic to care for the wounds.
Hutch winced as Huggy started to clean his hand but didn’t try to pull away. In a quiet, almost forlorn voice he said, “I let him down, Huggy. I let Starsky down.”
“I thought we already had this discussion, Blondie.” Huggy said lightly. “I don’t believe that and I know Starsky doesn’t. So, why do you?”
“Because I’m a lousy partner. Starsky would be better off with somebody else watching his back.”
“You know better than that. Nobody can watch Starsky’s back like you do. And you and I both know that neither one of you could ever work with another partner for long.”
“He almost died this time, Hug…”
“But he didn’t.” Huggy reminded him in a determined voice. “He’s still alive and he needs you now more than ever.’
“What about the next time?” Hutch said, raising his eyes to meet Huggy’s gaze, his eyes filled with sorrow and despair. In a broken voice, he said, “I can’t do this again, Huggy. I can’t watch him die again…I can’t lose him. I can’t…”
“You need to pull yourself together, Blondie.” Huggy said softly. “He. Didn’t. Die.” He emphasized each word carefully. “And neither did you.”
“I was so scared, Hug…” Hutch said, surprising the black man by leaning into him and leaning his head against his shoulder, as the tears began to flow again, the big shoulders shaking with silent sobs. “I was so scared when I saw him laying there…all that blood…Starsky’s blood. I thought he was already dead. I was afraid to touch him. I was afraid to touch my own partner…my best friend.”
“I know.” Huggy said, reaching out to awkwardly pat Hutch’s back the way he had seen Starsky do so many times in the past. He knew it wasn’t the same but it seemed to give Hutch some measure of comfort.
“Then he made it to the hospital,” Hutch choked out past the lump in his throat “And the doctor kept saying he wasn’t going to make it…that he was hurt too bad. All I could do was sit there…sit there and wait for him to die.” He took a deep shuddering breath. “And then his heart stopped and I thought it was all over…I thought I’d lost him.” A tremor ran through his body at the memory. “If he died, I’d already made up my mind that I’d eat my own gun before I’d live without him.”
Huggy nodded slightly. He wasn’t surprised by the admission. Hutch pulled away and wiped his hand roughly over his face. He took a deep breath to regain his composure. “I need to get back to the hospital.”
“Not until you get some sleep.” Huggy told him in a determined voice, the expression on his face warning Hutch not to argue. “And a shower and change clothes. Nobody is going to get to Starsky . He’ll be safe until morning.”
Hutch’s shoulders slumped in resignation. He sighed in defeat. He knew Huggy was right. His body was screaming for rest. Starsky was safe. It was over. The man who had hired the men to try and kill Starsky was in jail. Hutch could finally let down his defenses and give his body the rest it craved. Without a word, he stretched out on the bed and let himself drift into a deep, healing sleep.
Huggy smiled as he made his way back to the living room. Hutch would be all right and so would Starsky. It would take time but they had each other and that was all either one of them needed.
THE END