Title: Late Night Thoughts

Author: Sparkle731

Type: Slash
Summary: Starsky remembers his years with Hutch as his friend, his partner and his lover as he comes to term with Hutch’s declining health

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Starsky and Hutch, just having fun with them for awhile.
Format: Story
Category: Committed Relationship, Starsky angst, Hutch HC, This is a death fic!
Rating: NC-17

LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS

By Sparkle731

Starsky stepped out onto the deck and looked out over the beach behind the two-bedroom house that he had shared with Hutch for the last thirty years. His eyes clouded with sadness. He knew that their time together was almost at an end. Hutch had been diagnosed with cancer of the liver a little over a year ago and in the past three months, his health had taken a drastic decline. The doctors had told them that it was only a matter of time. By mutual agreement, the two of them had decided that Hutch would die at home and not in some sterile hospital room. Chemotherapy had not been an option. By the time the cancer was discovered it was too far advanced for any effective treatment. All the medical profession could do was keep Hutch as comfortable as possible until the end.

Starsky had cared for his lover selflessly just as he done so many times in their lives, especially during their career as police officers. A nurse came in twice a week to access his condition and to monitor his meds but other than that, his care was entrusted to Starsky. They had been through so much in their lives together through the years. The worst thing before Hutch’s illness had been Gunther’s attempt on Starsky’s life. Three bullets in the chest and abdomen had ended his career on the streets and almost ended his life. It had been over a year before he was finally recovered enough to return to the police force. Unable to work the streets any longer, he had been offered a position teaching at the Academy and Hutch had taken the Lieutenant’s exam.

Starsky knew that he would never have survived that attack on his life if it hadn’t been for Hutch. He had put his own life on hold to nurse Starsky back to health. Starsky had spent almost three months in the hospital and his heart had even stopped once for almost five minutes. For all intents and purposes, he had died. For months after being released from the hospital, he had been in constant pain and would have given up more than once if it hadn’t been for Hutch’s loving care and his encouragement. It was during his lengthy recovery from his injuries that they had discovered their true feelings for each other and had become lovers and soul mates.

They had bought the house they lived in after being together for two years. At the same time, they’d had a commitment ceremony to declare their devotion and love for one another. They each wore a simple gold band on their left hand to declare their bond and their commitment. Their friends and family had been supportive of their relationship and, due to changes in the law, even the police force had to accept it so they were able to keep their jobs. Now, Hutch was dying and Starsky knew he could not go on alone. When Hutch died, Starsky knew he would be following close behind. Even though he knew that his faith considered suicide a sin, Starsky believed that God would understand and forgive him for joining Hutch instead of going on alone without him..

Starsky sighed and quietly went back into the house, making his way through the darkness to the bedroom he shared with Hutch. Even as he entered the room, he could hear the sound of Hutch’s labored breathing.

“Starsk?” Hutch’s weak voice said in the darkness as Starsky slipped into the bed beside him.

“I’m right here, babe.” Starsky whispered as he gently slipped his arms around his partner and held him close.

“It hurts, Starsk…” Hutch whimpered, leaning his head against Starsky’s shoulder. Even with the heavy doses of morphine he received every two hours, the pain was still relentless.

“I know….I know…” Starsky said in a soft, soothing voice. He felt the tears burning his eyes. It hurt so much to see Hutch in so much pain. Nothing seemed to ease his agony anymore. The only time he seemed at peace was when he was lying in Starsky’s arms.

“I’m cold….” Hutch whispered breathlessly. Even the effort it took to talk claimed most of his strength these days.

“Just close your eyes, baby blue….” Starsky told him quietly “Try to get some sleep….I’ll be right here beside you.”

Hutch was quiet for so long that Starsky thought he had fallen asleep until he said in a barely audible voice “I’m scared, babe….”

Starsky swallowed hard to dislodge the lump that had risen in his throat. Trying to keep his voice level and calm, he said, “It’s okay,.Blondie….I’m right here. I got ya.” Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to say the words he knew that Hutch needed to hear. “It’s okay, babe…you can sleep now….it’s okay to let go….” A tear slipped down his cheek as he involuntarily tightened his embrace around the other half of his soul. He stared into the darkness as he listened to Hutch’s breathing deepen and slow down. A few hours later, it stopped completely.

Starsky lay there holding his love in his arms for a long time as the tears fell silently down his face. Finally, he reached out and fumbled on the nightstand for the bottle of pills he knew was sitting there. Opening the lid, he poured out the pills into the palm of his hand. Pausing for a moment, he said a silent prayer and then tossed the pills into his mouth. Picking up the glass of water sitting on the stand beside him, he drank it and then reached for the phone. He dialed a number and listened until a sleepy voice said “Hello.”

“It’s over. Hutch is gone.” He said, hanging up before the person on the other end of the line could say anything. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against Hutch’s shoulder and waited for sleep to claim him. As his eyes slowly closed, he could hear Hutch in the distance calling his name. With a smile on his lips, he sank into a deep sleep from which he would never awaken. Together with his one true love for all eternity.

THE END