FORBIDDEN FANTASY

 

 

A weekend away from home has unexpected consequences for Starsky.

 

Slash, Starsky h/c, angst.

 

A/N: This started out to be just one story based on a posted challenge to write something using Enednoviel’s beautiful picture “Daydream” as the inspiration. Before I realized it, it had become a series of three stories. I hope you enjoy reading them. The sequels are: Fantasy Fulfilled and Final Fantasy.

 

 

 

            I don’t often allow myself the luxury of driving up the coast to a little bar I know where I can find a man to satisfy my urges. I pride myself on being able to control my hormones by spending most of my time with women. But once or twice a year, the urge to be with a man just gets strong to resist. The rest of the time I have to be careful to hide that side of my nature. See, I’m a cop and if my fellow police officers ever found out that I was bi-sexual, it would jeopardize my job and possibly my life. So I’m forced to stay in the closet with the door tightly closed.

            But lately, that hasn’t been so easy. I committed the ultimate sin. I fell in love with my partner, my very male, very straight partner. We’ve always been close, ever since the day we met at the Police Academy, closer than brothers. We’re considered the best team of undercover detectives on the Bay City Police force. One of the reasons we’re so good is because we know each other so well. We can communicate without speaking most of the time, just a look or gesture and we know what the other one is going to say or do. It drives our Captain crazy when we carry on a conversation without ever saying a word.

            We’ve always been openly affectionate with each other. We seem to touch all the time. A slap on the back, a punch on the shoulder, an arm slung around the other one’s shoulders. Anyone who doesn’t know us very well could easily get the wrong idea about us. We’ve had to deal with locker room rumors for years that we were more than ‘just friends’ My partner always laughs it off and so do I, even though inside I die a little bit more each time. Of course it helps that we both have a reputation with the ladies. Neither one of us has ever had trouble in that respect. But none of our relationships ever seem to last for more than a few months. Maybe it because most of the ladies we go out with aren’t looking for a commitment anymore than we are.

            It’s not easy being in a relationship with a cop. Too many dates canceled at the last minute, phone calls at awkward moments, spending more time with your partner than you do with them. Not to mention the inherent danger that goes with the badge. No woman wants to fall in love with a man that might not be coming home at the end of his shift. I’ve never been married. I came close once but my fiancé was killed by a madman out for revenge. After that, I never let myself get that close to another woman again. It just wasn’t worth it, emotionally or mentally. My partner was married when we first met but his ex-wife made his life miserable. She really turned him off on the idea of marriage and happy ever after. I’d like to have kids someday but the older I get, the less likely that seems.

            I’ve known that I was attracted to men as well as to women since I was sixteen but I never acted on those feelings until I got drafted and sent to Viet Nam. It was a whole different world over there with a different set of rules. Homosexuality was more common than most people realized. Most of the local girls were hookers and they weren’t always the safest choice for a one night stand. And when we were out on maneuvers, sometimes months would go by without seeing a woman at all. My first male lover was another guy in my platoon. We started out with a few mutual hand jobs after we’d had a little too much to drink one night and then graduated to blowjobs. Eventually, he let me fuck him in the ass but I never returned the favor. When I came back to the states, I never saw him again. After a few encounters with other men back home, I decided it was simpler and less complicated to stick with women. But, like I said before, once or twice a year the urges would get too strong and I’d have to go looking for a man to relieve the tension.

            So, here I am, sitting on a barstool in this dingy little bar far enough away from home that nobody knows my name or my face. I’ve already had several guys hit on me but I’ve turned them down. They weren’t my type. Nursing my third beer, I let my eyes sweep across the room. Then I saw him, sitting by himself in a booth in the back. A tall good looking blond with a lean muscular build. Picking up my drink, I sauntered through the crowd, my cocky strut firmly in place. I ignored the hands grabbing at my ass as I made my way across the room.

            As I slid into the booth across from him, the blond looked up with a shy smile. He was younger than I originally thought, barely out of his teens. His eyes were a darker blue and his hair was the color of wheat instead of spun gold but the resemblance was close enough to satisfy me. If I couldn’t have the real thing, I was willing to settle for a poor substitute.

            “Hi, my name’s Mike.” I said. Nobody used their real names in places like this. It made it easier to protect yourself and separate this from your real life.

            “Tommy.” He replied with that same shy smile. “Can I buy you a drink?”

            I gestured at my beer. “Already got one.” I said with the crooked smile that the women and the men both seemed to like. Tommy nodded and I swear I could see him blush. He seemed awfully self-conscious and I assumed he must be new at this game.

To put him at ease, I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “Relax, I won’t bite. I promise.”

            He chuckled softly and the blush deepened. “Sorry. I’m kinda new at this.” He said confirming my suspicions. He looked at me and smiled softly. He seemed to like what he saw. “You wanna go outside for some air?” he asked hesitantly.

            “Yeah, sounds good to me.” I said. We stood up and turned to walk towards the rear exit. I casually wrapped my arm around his waist to make it clear that he was ‘taken’ for the next half hour or so anyway. He leaned into my embrace and I could smell the scent of his aftershave. I pushed open the back door and we stepped out into the alley.

The darkness surrounded us like a shroud, effectively concealing us from view to anyone passing on the street. We stepped behind a large metal dumpster and I leaned back against the brick wall of the building.

            Tommy pressed up against me and I felt his hands fumbling with my belt. All his earlier shyness seemed to disappear as he unzipped my jeans and reached inside to fondle my aching cock. I hissed softly as he freed me from the confines of my jeans and immediately dropped to his knees in front of me. My cock immediately sprang to attention and my body trembled in anticipation.

            “Nice.” I heard him whisper almost in awe. Gentle fingers caressed my shaft, a thumb running over the sensitive head and making me groan. I knew that I was better endowed than most men, my cock long and thick with a circumcised head. That seemed to be a turn-on for some men especially if they weren’t cut themselves.

            “Oh, yeah…” I whispered hoarsely as I felt his warm wet tongue slid over the head, pausing for a moment to lap up the drop of pre-cum gathered in the slit. My cock already felt like it was ready to explode. It had been too long. I knew I wouldn’t be able to last. Tommy’s fingers wrapped firmly around the base of the shaft as his mouth engulfed the crown. Instinctively, I thrust my hips forward and reached down to tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer as my cock buried itself in that warm cavern.

            Tommy began to stroke my shaft and bob his head at the same time, using his mouth and his tongue to pleasure me. I moaned and lost myself in the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me. The kid was good at this, almost too good. It wasn’t long before I felt the familiar tightening in my balls and then the rush of pleasure that centered in my groin then washed over my whole body. I cried out as I felt myself explode, my seed pouring out of me and into his waiting mouth. Tommy swallowed it all and then gently licked me clean. I slumped against the wall, barely able to stand, as he carefully tucked me back into my jeans and fastened them back up. We were both too distracted to notice the four men who had came into the alley.

            I heard Tommy yelp in surprise and struggled to focus on the scene unfolding in front of me. The four men had formed a semi-circle around us and one of them had grabbed Tommy by the arm, throwing him to the ground. They were all big men with bulging muscles and arms covered with tattoos. One of them sneered at us and said,

            Looky here…we got us a couple of queers.” A thin smile tugged at the edges of his mouth. “Let’s have us a little fun.”

            I knew I was outnumbered but I wasn’t going down without a fight. Gathering my wits, I kicked out at the man standing closest to me and caught him in the gut with my foot. He grunted but stayed on his feet. All I did was piss him off. I got a fist in my face, delivered with enough force to knock my head back against the wall behind me, stunning me momentarily. It was long enough for the four men to attack. I was thrown to the ground beside Tommy and the men began kicking us with heavy steel toed boots. The only thing I could do was curl up on my left side to try and protect the more vulnerable parts of my anatomy. I wasn’t very successful. A well placed kick slammed into my groin making me scream in pain. More kicks landed in the small of my back and my head. I tasted the blood in my mouth as the darkness swirled around me, dragging me into unconsciousness.

 

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            I woke up in stages. I was aware of the smells in the air seeping into my consciousness first. It was that sterile, antiseptic smell that I was much too familiar with. I was in a hospital. Sounds registered next. The squeak of rubber soled shoes in the hallway, the muffled sound of an intercom system, the subdued sound of voices. I felt someone holding my hand, a touch I would know anywhere. Someone had called my partner, someone had called Hutch. He was here with me and I was safe. I must have made some kind of sound or something because I felt his fingers tightened around my hand and heard his gentle voice in my ear,

            “Come on, buddy. Open those eyes for me. Let me see those baby blues.”

            I didn’t really feel like opening my eyes but since Hutch asked me to, I would. My eyelids felt like they were weighted down but I managed to open them enough to focus on my partner’s worried face. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. His clothes were rumbled and there were dark shadows under his eyes.

            Hu..sh..” I whispered, slurring his name the way I always did when I was looped on pain meds or had too much to drink. “You okay?” It might sound stupid since I was the one in the hospital bed but it was a question I always asked first. Hutch’s welfare had always come before my own.

            “You got that a little backwards, Gordo.” He said with a smile, using one of his pet names for me. “You’re the one that got the shit beat out of you.”

            I groaned as the memories came rushing back and my body decided to remind me of the beating I had taken. Everything seemed to hurt at the same time, especially my groin, my head and my ribs. There was a dull ache in my back too that was screaming at me. The four goons in the alley had worked me over pretty good.

            “How bad?” I asked, forcing the words out past my dry cracked lips.

            “You had me scared for a while.” Hutch admitted “You’ve been unconscious for three days.” That explained Hutch’s disheveled appearance I thought to myself as I forced myself to pay attention to what he was saying. “The doctor said you’ve got a pretty nasty concussion, four broken ribs, bruised kidneys, and you’re not going to be doing much with the ladies any time soon.” Those beautiful sky blue eyes softened as he added, “You’re lucky to be alive, Starsk. If somebody hadn’t found you when they did, you would have died.”

            I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer the questions I could see lingering in his eyes. I knew he was going to want to know what I was doing here in a town so far from home and how I had managed to let myself get beaten up so badly. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to see the disappointment or rejection I was afraid I’d see in his face if I told him the truth. I couldn’t stand to lose him. His friendship meant too much to me to risk being honest. But I was a lousy liar unless I was undercover and I had never lied to Hutch before, not exactly. I had just never told him some of my more closely guarded secrets. He seemed to sense my hesitation because he rubbed my hand comfortingly and said, “We’ll talk about it later. Get some sleep.”

            I kept my eyes closed and adjusted my breathing to make it seem like I had fallen asleep. I was so ashamed but I knew that sooner or later I would have to tell Hutch everything. My eyes burned with unshed tears as I felt him adjusting the sheet around me and his gentle hand brushing a wayward curl out of my face. I didn’t deserve his comfort or his concern. Not after what I had done. I was a fool to think I could hide something like this from him indefinitely. Now I was going to have to pay for my deceit and pay dearly. Somehow, I managed to fall into a restless slumber, haunted by dreams of what I was about to lose.

           

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            When I opened my eyes again, it was dark and I was alone. But I knew Hutch hadn’t gone far. He never did when I was hurt and in the hospital. The doctors usually had to threaten him to get him to leave my side long enough to get something to eat or to take a shower and change clothes. I had never realized how much I had come to depend on him being there at times like this until I suddenly found myself faced with the thought of him not being there in the future.

            The pain meds had worn off and my body was hurting bad. I couldn’t take a deep enough breath to satisfy my lungs and my groin throbbed in agony with each heartbeat. And my head felt like there was someone inside of it trying to pound their way out with a sledgehammer. I fumbled for the call button and rang for the nurse. I have a high pain threshold and I was being pushed to the limits of my endurance.

            The door opened letting in a sliver of light from the hallway and a pretty little blonde in a nurse’s uniform stepped into the room. “Can I help you?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she stepped up to the bed, automatically picking up my left wrist to check my pulse.

            “Could I have something for the pain?” I asked trying not to sound too demanding.

            “I’ll get you something right away.” She replied with a smile. “My name is Gail and I’m your nurse for this shift.”

            “Thanks, Gail.” I said gratefully, trying to breath through the pain that was trying to take over my body. “Do you know where my friend went?”

            “Big good looking blond who has been driving us all crazy for the last few days?” she asked with a chuckle, describing Hutch to a T.

            “That would be him.” I answered with a soft chuckle of my own. Whenever I was hurt Hutch turned into a real mother hen, questioning the doctors and nurses about my care and watching over me like a hawk. I have to admit that I liked having someone who cared enough to fuss over me the way he did when I was hurt but I would never tell him that.

            “I convinced him to go downstairs and get something to eat. He should be back soon. I’ll get your meds and be right back.” She left the room, leaving me alone once more. True to her word, she returned in a few minutes and injected something into the IV line running into the back of my right hand. Within seconds I felt the blessed relief flowing through my veins, easing the pain to a more manageable level. My eyes grew heavy and I had almost dozed off when I heard the door open and close again. Even without opening my eyes, I knew that Hutch was back. I can always sense his presence whenever he’s close by.

            “Hey, Blondie…” I mumbled sleepily, opening my eyes just enough to see his face in the shadows.

            “Hey, what are you doing awake?” he asked, as he slumped down in the chair beside my bed and reached for my left hand.

            “Woke up and you weren’t here.” I said. I didn’t mean to sound whiny but I wasn’t ready to open up to him yet either. I hoped to distract him by sounding pitiful and it seemed to work.

            “I’m here now.” He said in a soothing voice “So go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

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            The next two days passed in a drug induced haze. I spent most of my time sleeping as my body started to heal. Because of the injury to my groin, I had a catheter so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed and I hated it. It burned and it hurt almost as much as my cock and balls did. But until the swelling went down the doctors didn’t want me moving around much. They kept ice packs on it to help with the pain and to reduce the swelling which only added to my discomfort. The doctor was confident that there was no permanent damage but I wouldn’t be getting too amorous for a while. My other injuries were healing nicely too and, with any luck, I would only have to be in the hospital for a few more days. As soon as I was able to tolerate the drive back to Bay City, Hutch could take me home.

            A local detective had come to the hospital to take a statement about my attack. I tried to keep it as vague as possible. I hadn’t gotten a good enough look at any of my attackers to identify anyone. I had been the only one found at the scene. I had no idea what had happened to Tommy and there was no point in mentioning him since I knew that wasn’t his real name anyway. Because there had been other incidents at some of the other bars in the area, everyone assumed that I had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time and I let them think that. Hutch had retrieved my car from the parking lot where I had left it two blocks from the bar and it was safely parked in the hospital garage.     

            I knew that for now anyway, my secret was still safe. But I also knew that eventually Hutch would start asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer. I had told him that I had came here on a whim trying to track down an old army buddy but I knew my story had holes in it that he would see through eventually.

 

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            I tried not to be too noticeable as I shifted positions trying to get comfortable in the front seat beside Hutch. We’d been on the road for about an hour and still had another hour to do before we reached Bay City. Although the swelling in my groin had gone down significantly and the bruises were starting to fade, it was still painful to sit in one position for too long.

            Shoving his sunglasses up on his nose, Hutch said gently, “How about if we pull over for a little bit? I need to stretch my legs.”

            Now I know Hutch has long legs and he gets cramped up when he’s driving my car but I knew he was stopping more for me than because he needed a break. I smiled gratefully and nodded my head. “Yeah, I could use a something to drink and I need to take a leak.” I told him trying to make it sound like I wasn’t hurting as much as I really was.

            Hutch pulled into a rest stop a few minutes later and turned off the ignition. He climbed out of the car, stretching to work the kinks out of his muscles. I climbed out a bit more slowly, glancing at Hutch over the roof of the car and admiring the long lean lines of his body. Hutch had classic good looks with sculptured features, ice blue eyes and neatly styled golden blonde hair. Most of the time, he looked like he should be gracing the pages of GQ magazine instead of chasing the bad guys around the streets of Bay City with me. They say opposites attract and I believe that because you couldn’t find two guys more opposite then me and Hutch.

            Where he’s all gold and light, I’m darker with an olive complexion, sapphire blue eyes and curly dark brown hair. We have a similar build although Hutch is a couple of inches taller than I am. He has those long runner’s legs that I envy and admire every chance I get. Our personalities are almost as different as we are in appearance. Hutch can be cold and reserved with an arrogant attitude where I tend to be more laid back and outgoing. We both have a temper but while mine is more volatile when Hutch is mad he becomes cold as ice with a deadly glare that can send a chill down your spine. Hutch is also more analytical than me. He looks at everything from every angle while I tend to be more impulsive and jump right in with both feet then ask questions later. Our backgrounds are just as different. Hutch’s family has money, a lot of money, so he was raised with all the privileges that come with wealth. He’s college educated while I barely made it through high school. Me, I grew up on the streets of Brooklyn until I was thirteen and my Ma sent me to California to live with my aunt and uncle to keep me out of trouble after my dad was killed. Hutch might have the ‘book smarts’ but I have the ‘street smarts’ and got my education from the school of hard knocks. In spite of our differences, we’re the best of friends and compliment each other both on the job and off.

            I pulled my leather jacket a little closer and hurried towards the bathrooms before Hutch caught me making eyes at him. Stepping into the safety of a stall, I closed the door and locked it. Unzipping my jeans, I carefully eased out my cock and leaned over the commode, bracing one hand against the wall to take care of business. It still hurt to piss but at least my urine was clear and not tinted with blood any longer. Mottled, fading  bruises still covered my balls and the inside of my thighs. For a moment, I found myself thinking about Tommy and hoping that he was okay. I was upset that I would never know for sure what happened to him that night. I carried a lot of guilt for putting him into that position. I should have been thinking like a cop instead of worrying about getting my rocks off.

            I gently stuffed my cock back in my jeans and zipped up. Unlocking the door, I stepped over to the sink to wash my hands. Hutch was waiting for me just outside the door. He smiled as I came out and handed me a cold soda. “Everything okay?” he asked.

            I nodded absently as I took a long swallow of the soda. The cold liquid felt good to my parched throat. I was on sick leave from work for the next two weeks to recuperate and I knew that Hutch would insist on staying with me to take care of me. That’s what we did when one of us was hurt. It had become second nature to both of us. Any other time I would have welcomed his company and his ‘mothering’ me but my emotions were still too raw and close to the surface to be comfortable with the idea of him being there for any length of time. I was scared that I would slip up and he’d find out what I was trying so desperately to hide from him. After I finished my soda, we climbed back in the car to continue on to Bay City.

 

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            I breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind Hutch and he left to run some errands. I felt like I had been walking on eggshells for the past week. So far I had been lucky and Hutch hadn’t questioned me anymore about the attack but waiting for him to bring it up was starting to wear on my nerves. I was also a bundle of sexual tension from being around him all the time and not being able to tell him how I really felt about him. Every time he touched me since I got out of the hospital, my body threatened to betray me and reveal my secret shame.

            I made myself a cup of tea and tried watching TV but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. Finally, I gave up and went into my bedroom. I stared at my reflection in the full length mirror that hung on the back of my bedroom door. The haunted eyes of a stranger seemed to stare back at me. Turning away from the mirror, I walked across the room to stand beside the bed. Closing my eyes, I used my right hand to grab the bottom of my tee shirt and shove it up over my chest. Holding the material tightly in my clenched fist, I let my left hand roam over my chest, combing through the soft curly hair until my fingers touched my nipples. I hissed softly as I pinched the little nubs of flesh with my fingers until they hardened. I felt my rebellious cock twitch with interest making my tight jeans feel even tighter. I couldn’t stop a moan from escaping from my lips as I continued to play with my nipples, sending waves of desire rushing my body that eventually centered in my groin.

            My aching cock hardened, demanding attention. Without much thought, I let my left hand drift down to unbuckle my belt and unsnap my jeans. As soon as I pulled down the zipper, my cock sprang free from its denim prison. I wasn’t wearing any underwear so all I had to do was shove my jeans down over my hips enough to make it easier to touch myself. My breathing deepened as I wrapped my fingers around the shaft and began to stroke myself. Images of Hutch’s face filled my head as I ran my thumb over the crown, smearing the drops of pre-cum that had gathered there over the head.

            Moaning even louder, I began to thrust my hips in time with my strokes as I increased the both the friction on the shaft and the rhythm of my hand. I felt a shudder run through my muscles as the pleasure mounted. I knew it wouldn’t be long now. “Ohgodohgodohgod…” I whimpered as I felt the familiar tightening in my balls as they drew up closer to my body. I threw back my head and bit down on the inside of my cheek as my body exploded, my seed spilling out over my fist and splattering against my stomach. “OH GOD….HUTCHHHHH….”  I screamed almost uncontrollably as my body jerked with the final spasms of my orgasm. Panting heavily, I let go of my softening penis and opened my eyes to find myself staring into the shocked eyes of my partner who was standing in the open doorway.

            I felt the heat burning my face as I scrambled to stuff myself back into my jeans and straighten up my clothes as Hutch turned and walked away without a word. I had no idea how long he had been standing there watching my blatant display but I knew I needed to talk fast to keep him from leaving. I heard the slamming of the front door as I stumbled out of the bedroom and knew that I was too late. He was gone. Wandering into the living room, I collapsed on the sofa and buried my face in my hands.

            I’m not sure how long I sat there feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I had just screwed up the one thing that meant more to me than anything else when I heard the soft click of the front door opening and then closing again. I raised my head and forced myself to look at Hutch who was just standing there staring at me with an expression I had never seen on his face before. I wasn’t sure if it was anger, disappointment or something else entirely. Maybe it was all of the above.

            “Hutch?” I said softly, searching frantically to find the words to explain what he had witnessed. Without saying a word, Hutch held up his hand for silence and shook his head. I watched, a lump in my throat, as he walked into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. He pulled out a can of beer, popped the top and drained it in one long swallow. He immediately got another one and popped the top, sipping it slowly this time. Finally, he looked at me and said in a cold flat voice,

            “So Starsky…how long have you been using me as one of your fantasies to jerk off to?”

            I hung my head in shame. I was a loss for words for one of the few times in my life. How was I supposed to make him understand how I felt about him when I wasn’t even sure I knew myself? How could I tell him that I had fallen ‘in love’ with him without destroying everything we had between us? When I didn’t answer, he slammed the beer can down on the counter and growled,

            “Are you gonna talk to me or not? I think you at least owe me some kind of explanation!” I heard him take a step towards me but I still couldn’t look him in the eyes. I was too embarrassed and ashamed. Finally, I said in a quiet, carefully controlled voice,

            “What do you want me to say, Blondie? That you turn me on? That I get hot just thinking about you?” Once I started talking, I couldn’t seem to stop. Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up. “You want me to tell you how I think about touching you all the time? About getting you into my bed and never letting you leave?” My voice broke as I buried my face in my hands again.

            I felt Hutch’s hand gripping my chin and raising my head, forcing me to look into his eyes. I was stunned to find those eyes filled with love and understanding. That was the last thing I had expected to see. In a soft voice, Hutch said,

            “Starsk, are you trying to tell me that’s you’re gay?”

            “No…not gay.” I said somewhat defensively. “I’m Bi. I like women too. I never wanted you to find out. I tried to stay straight but sometimes the urge just got too strong to ignore…” I wanted to bite my tongue, knowing instantly that I had said too much.

            “Is that why you were in Bristo?” Hutch asked gruffly. “Were you at that gay bar? Does that have anything to do with what happened to you?”

            I nodded my head solemnly. It was too late to lie my way out of it now. I watched as several emotions flickered through Hutch’s eyes at the same time. Anger, concern, and disappointment but still tempered with love and understanding. He sighed heavily and settled down on the sofa beside me. Slipping his arm around my shoulders, he pulled me close to him and said,

“Okay. Start at the beginning and tell me everything. I think I have the right to know what’s going on in that empty head of yours lately, partner.”

In a halting voice, I told him my story and didn’t leave anything out. I told him about discovering I was bi-sexual in high school and my first experiences with a man in Viet Nam. I told him about trying to stay straight when I got back to the states and how I’d been able to control it fairly well until the past few months when I realized that my feelings for him were changing from just friendship into something more, something I had never intended to happen. I was crying by the time I finished but, true to his nature, Hutch didn’t reject me because of what I had told him. Instead, he held me in the comfort of his embrace until I was able to compose myself and look him in the eyes, searching for the acceptance I so desperately needed from him.

“I wish you’d told me all of this before.” He said but there was no reproach in his voice “It could have saved us both a lot of trouble. Don’t you know that you’re the most important thing in my life? I couldn’t make it without you, mushbrain. I love you too. I just need some time to get used to all of this and figure out how I feel about it.”

“So you don’t hate me for it?” I asked in a choked voice.

“I could never hate you, buddy. No matter what.” He told me with a tight squeeze of my shoulders. He looked at me intently, making me nervous with the look in his eyes. In a hesitant voice, he said, “I won’t lie to you. I’ve wondered sometimes what it would be like to be with another man but I never acted on those feelings. I never had any reason to.” He paused and then added with a mischievous smile “Until now.”

I couldn’t help the sudden surge of hope that filled my heart when I heard those words and Hutch must have seen that in my eyes. He cupped his hand against my cheek, cradling my face in his palm. “No promises, buddy.” He said quietly “But if I could do that with another man, it would be with you. Just give me some time to get my head around this. Okay?”

“Okay.” I said quietly, my heart finally stopping its frantic pounding. Maybe things would work out okay after all. At least I hadn’t lost Hutch’s friendship. As long as I still had that I could live without ever knowing what it would be like to have him as a lover. My stomach growled loudly, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten yet.

Hutch chuckled and said, “How about if I order a pizza?”

“With everything?” I wheedled. “Not just veggies.”

“How about half and half.” Hutch said with a grin. “Or better yet, one of each.”

“Okay.” I readily agreed

“I’ll call it in while you take a shower. No offense, Gordo but you smell a little rank.” I felt myself blushing again as I shoved myself to my feet and hurried to the bathroom to clean up. Things were back to normal again. At least what passed for normal for me and Blondie.

 

THE END?