A
MOTHER’S LOVE
Spoiler: Rachel Starsky is forced to send her
thirteen-year-old son away from home.
CHAPTER 1
Rachel Starsky quietly opened the door to the
darkened room where her youngest son lay sleeping and stepped inside.
Seven-year-old Nicky was lying sprawled out across the bed, sleeping
peacefully, worn out from a day of play. Rachel smiled faintly as she picked up
the blanket that he had kicked to floor and gently placed it back up over the
sleeping child.
Sighing, she left the room, closing the door
softly behind her. She walked down the hallway to the stairs and went down to
the first floor. She entered the tiny living room and sat down on the worn
sofa. Now she would wait. Wait for her oldest child, her thirteen-year-old son,
David, to come home. She glanced anxiously at the clock on the wall above the
mantel. It was almost
It was almost
“Where have you been?” Rachel asked trying to keep
the anger out of her voice but her tone still conveyed her worry and her
anxiety.
“Out with my friends.” David answered sullenly, a defiant tone slipping into his
voice, determined to slip by his mother and to the security of his room.
“It’s almost
“I’m home now. So what’s the big deal?”
“David, you know the rules. You can’t just do what
you want.” Rachel said trying to sound reasonable. “You’re only thirteen years
old.”
“What are you gonna do about it?” David asked with
a smirk, assuming a cocky stance with his hands resting on his hips. “Ground
me?” Rachel sighed. She already knew that wouldn’t
work. He’d only sneak out of the house the first
chance he got. He’d done it before. She visibly
flinched at her son’s next words and the venom in his voice “Just leave me the
hell alone! Hanging out with my friends is better than hanging out around
here!” Glaring at Rachel defiantly, he stomped past her and up the stairs. A
moment later, she heard his bedroom door slam shut.
Rachel felt the sting of tears burning her eyes.
David had always been so polite and respectful, such a well-behaved child. That
was before his father’s death had shattered his world. Rachel’s thoughts
drifted back to that day just over a year ago that had
changed all of their lives forever.
Micheal David Starsky had been the love of her life. They had
gotten married when she was eighteen. She had known from the beginning that he
planned to be a cop. It was the only thing he had ever wanted
to do. He had loved his family and he was crazy about his two sons, his
namesake, David Micheal and his youngest, Nicholas
Marvin. David looked so much like his father that it was almost uncanny at
times to see them together. They both had the same olive skin tone, dark brown
curly hair, and beautiful sapphire blue eyes with thick dark lashes.
Every evening, David would stand at the back
door, watching and waiting for his father to get home from work. They were so
close. His father was David’s hero and he wanted to be just like him when he
grew up. He was already talking about following in his father’s footsteps and
becoming a cop too. He could spend hours just sitting and listening to his
father tell stories about his day.
That night had been just like any other night.
There was no warning to prepare them for the events that were about to destroy
their lives and leave them picking the pieces. Rachel was cooking supper when
she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. The back door slammed shut
as David ran outside to greet his father. And then she
heard the gunshots. Four loud explosions of sound that
shattered the peaceful quiet of the early evening. Dropping the pan she
was holding in her hands, she barely noticed the boiling water that splashed
against her legs as the pan hit the floor.
She ran to the back door and burst outside. In
front of her was a sight that would haunt her until the day she died and forced
her to her knees in grief. Her husband was lying on his back in the driveway,
his life’s blood seeping out into the gravel beneath him. And
her twelve-year-old son was kneeling beside him, cradling his dying father’s
head in his lap. Rachel didn’t remember screaming, or the
neighbors that came running from all directions, attracted by the sounds of the
gunfire. What she did remember the most about that night was the sound
of her son’s screams as he begged his father not to die.
The next thing she remembered clearly about
that terrible day was being in the kitchen as the tiny house filled with family
and friends. Micheal had died in his own driveway,
gunned down by unseen assailants. His life slipping away as he was cradled in his oldest son’s arms. Rachel’s next door
neighbor, Pete O’Riley,, who
was also a police officer had been one of the first people on the scene. He was
the one who had stepped in and forced David to let go of his father’s body so
the paramedics could put him into the ambulance to take him away. David had
shut himself in his room, coming out only for his father’s
funeral and to sit Shiva for seven days with the rest of the family.
Afterwards, he had retreated back into the solitude of
his room, refusing to talk to anyone and barely eating for almost two weeks.
When David finally did come out of his room, he
came out a different child. An angry, sullen shell of himself who didn’t know how or where to vent his rage at his father’s
murder. For the first time in his life, he was disrespectful to his elders and
started getting into trouble, both at home and at school. Things only got worse
as he started hanging out with an older group of boys from the neighborhood. And with each day that passed his behavior became worse and
Rachel began to worry more. And now, a year later, it
had come down to this. David was a child totally out of control and Rachel no
longer knew what she should do.
Rachel finally shoved herself to her feet and
slowly made her way to her own bedroom. She paused at David’s closed door but didn’t open it. Her eldest no longer sought the comfort of
her arms when he was in pain. Rachel went on to her room and threw herself down
across the bed. She lay there, unable to sleep, until the early morning sun
started to creep through the windows. Wearily, she forced herself to her feet
to begin another day.
She woke up Nicky first and got him started on his
morning routine, washing up and brushing his teeth and then getting dressed for
school while she started breakfast. She would wait an hour before going
upstairs to wake up David since he didn’t have to
leave for school as early as Nick did. She mentally braced herself for another
fight. After staying out so late with his friends, David never wanted to get up
in the morning. It had become an constant battle to
get him out of bed and on his way to school during he week.
Rachel tried to pay attention to Nicky as he
chattered throughout breakfast, excited about something he was doing at school
that day. But her thoughts were distracted by her
concerns for her eldest. Finally, she shooed Nicky out the door and down the
street towards the bus stop. Then she slowly climbed back up the steps to wake
David up. She knocked loudly on his bedroom door. “David!” she called out “It’s
time to get up for school.”
When there was no answer, she knocked again. When
there was still no sound from David’s room, she carefully opened the door and
stepped inside. She caught her breath sharply when she saw the empty bed and
the open window. She sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and buried her
face in her hands. She had no idea where her son had gone or when he would be
back. All she could do was wait and pray that he would be all right out there
alone on the streets. This wasn’t the first time in
the past year that David had cut school but it was the first time that he’d
snuck out of the house in the middle of the night. With a heavy heart, Rachel
realized that something had to be done soon about her
son’s rebellious behavior.
She spent the rest of the day trying to do some
household chores and anxiously watching the clock. Nicky came home from school
shortly after three and started telling her about his day as he enjoyed his
afternoon snack. Rachel was only half listening, her thoughts still centered on
her older son and his whereabouts. She fixed supper for herself and Nicky,
putting a plate aside in the refrigerator for David. She continued watching the
clock, getting more and more anxious and worried as it got later and David
still didn’t come home.
Trying to keep busy, she gave Nicky his bath and
tucked him into bed, taking time to read him a bedtime story. She had just gone
back downstairs when she was startled by the shrill ringing
of the telephone. Grabbing it before it could ring again,
she lifted the receiver to her ear and said breathlessly “Hello?”
“Is this Rachel Starsky?” an unfamiliar female
voice said in her ear
“Yes, it is. Who is this?” she demanded, a worried
tone creeping into her voice, as her eyes automatically checked the time. It
was almost ten P.M. .
“This is St. Rita’s hospital. Your son, David, is
here and we need you to come down here as soon as you can.”
“Is he all right? Is he hurt?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m
not authorized to give you that information over the phone. The doctor will
talk to you as soon as you get here. We need your verbal consent to treat him
until you arrive.”
“Yes, of course. Do whatever you have to do for
him. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Rachel said, hanging up without listening
to the woman’s reply. Immediately picking up the receiver again, she dialed her
brother, Jacob, who lived just a few blocks away. After rapidly explaining the
situation to him, Jacob told her he would come to the house to take her to the
hospital and his wife, Mary Anne, would come with him so she could stay with
Nicky. Rachel struggled to control her emotions and to hold back her tears as
she hung up the phone and waited for her brother to arrive.
CHAPTER 2
Rachel hurried into the hospital and grabbed the
first nurse she saw by the arm. “My son!” she said frantically “David Starsky.
Someone called me and said that he was here!”
The young nurse looked startled when Rachel
grabbed her arm but her eyes softened when she heard Rachel’s frantic plea. “Ma’am, if you’ll just a seat over there, I’ll see what I can find
out for you about your son.” She said as she gently removed Rachel’s
hand from her arm. An older gentleman with a strong
resemblance to the anxious woman came up behind her and put his arm around her
shoulders, quietly coaxing her over to one of the seats in the waiting area.
The nurse turned and disappeared through a set of
swinging doors that opened into the emergency room of the busy metropolitan hospital.Rachel slumped down on the worn vinyl chair and
tried to control her rising fear and anxiety. Ever since receiving the call
from the hospital, she had been scared out of her mind wondering how badly
David was hurt and what had happened to him. She kept her eyes focused on the
doors that led to the emergency room and to her son. He was somewhere beyond
those doors and her reach and he was hurt.
“Rachel, I’m sure that Davy is all right.” Jacob
tried to reassure her as he sat down in a chair beside her. “The doctors are
gonna take care of him.” He gently rubbed her shoulders trying to ease the
tension that he could feel gathered there but Rachel didn’t
even seem to notice his soothing touch. David was Jacob’s favorite nephew and
he was as worried as Rachel was about his rebellious behavior since his
father’s death. He had tried to be there for his sister and her sons but David
had made it painfully clear that he didn’t want his
uncle trying to take his father’s place in his life.
Rachel jumped to her feet as the swinging doors
opened and a uniformed police officer stepped out of the emergency room.
Glancing around the room, the older man’s gaze settled on Jacob and Rachel and
he made his way across the room towards them.
“Are you Mrs. Starsky?” he asked in a deep
rumbling voice.
“Yes.” Rachel acknowledged trying to swallow past
the painful lump that had suddenly risen in her throat. “Where is David? Where
is my son?”
“The doctors are tending to him right now, Ma’am.”
The police officer said, “I’m sure someone will be out to talk to you soon. I’m Officer Riggs. I’m the one who found David and called
the ambulance.”
“What happened to him?” Jacob asked tightening his
arm around Rachel’s shoulders as they both waited anxiously for the answer to
at least one of their questions.
“It appears that David was badly beaten by a gang
of older boys and then thrown from a two-story building. I really don’t have
any more information other than that until I talk to David and see what he says
happened.” The officer said trying to give them the answers they wanted without
going into too much detail about the incident. He didn’t
want to tell them that the boys were part of a local neighborhood gang that was
well known for their violent behavior.
“Is David in trouble?” Jacob asked in a concerned
voice. He had worried constantly that David would end up in trouble with the
authorities if his delinquent behavior continued. If it hadn’t
been for some of his father’s former colleagues on the police force stepping in
already a few times, David would have been in Juvenile Hall.
“No. All indications are that David was the victim
here.” The officer reassured them. “We do have an eye witness who said they saw
the older boys grab David and take him up to the roof where he was attacked.
I’m hoping that David will be able to give me their names.” The officer glanced
at his watch and said, “I have to get back to the station and file my report.
Someone will be in touch with you about getting a statement from David as soon
as he’s feeling up to it.”
“Oh, my lord….” Rachel said with a sob, burying
her face in her hands as the officer turned and walked away. “My
poor baby.” Jacob carefully lowered Rachel back down into her chair and
held her while she cried softly against his shoulder. Now all they could do was
continue waiting for a doctor to tell them how badly
David was hurt.
Waiting for news about a loved ones condition in a
hospital emergency room is never pleasant. Seconds drag by like hours, and
minutes seem more like days. Time slows down to a crawl and there’s
nothing to distract your mind from the waiting. Each time those doors swung
open and a nurse or a doctor came into the waiting room, Rachel prayed they
would be coming with news about David but they always called someone else’s
name, not hers. Finally, after two long hours of waiting, a doctor stepped
through those doors and said “Is there anyone here for David Starsky?”
“Yes!” Rachel said loudly, jumping to her feet and
hurrying across the room towards the doctor, followed closely by Jacob. “I’m
his mother.” She said in a trembling voice as she reached the doctor’s side.
“How is he? Can I see him?”
“I’m Doctor Jennings.” The older man said in a
clipped professional tone, extending his hand as he introduced himself. Jacob
shook his hand with a curt nod of his head, acknowledging his introduction.
Rachel clutched her brother’s arm as she anxiously waited for news about her
son, gazing at the doctor’s face intently and trying to tell from his
expression if the news was good or bad. “Why don’t we step over here where we
can talk?”
The Doctor escorted them to an isolated area on
the opposite side of the registration desk. The doctor looked at the anxious
worried faces in front of him and said gently “We’ve stabilized David and he’s
on his way to surgery right now. His left ankle was badly broken in four places
and it’s going to take surgical intervention to repair
the damage. He also has two broken ribs, severely bruised kidneys and his left
shoulder was dislocated. In addition, there are several severe lacerations, contusions and abrasions, along with a slight concussion. All in all, he was very lucky young man. His injuries could
have been a lot worse.”
“But he’s going to be all right, isn’t he?” Rachel
asked, trying to keep her voice calm, her concern for her son’s welfare
heightened by the doctor’s description of his injuries.
“It will take awhile but he should recover without
any permanent damage. We’re going to be keeping him here for a few days to make
sure there are no complications and to watch out for infection.”
“When can we see him?” Jacob asked trying to keep
his voice composed and level.
“He’ll be in surgery for at least two hours and
then in recovery for awhile. As soon as he’s settled
into a room, I’ll have one of the nurses come and get you. He’ll
be in the ICU for at least a day or two, so if you want you can go up there and
wait. It’s a bit more comfortable than down here. It’s
on the fourth floor.”
“Thank you.” Jacob said. The two men shook hands
cordially once more and then Jacob steered Rachel over to the elevators. He
reached out and pushed the button for the fourth floor. When the doors opened,
they stepped inside and rode in silence up to the floor where the ICU was
located. The elevator opened directly into the ICU waiting area.
The chairs and sofas arranged around the room were
more comfortable looking then the ones down in the emergency area. The waiting
room also contained a TV mounted on the wall, a vending machine for soft drinks
and coffee, and a second vending machine for candy bars and chips. A large variety
of magazines and newspapers were stacked on small tables around the room.
A nurse was standing behind the nurse’s station to
their left as they stepped off the elevators. Smiling warmly, she said, “You
must be the Starsky family. Just have a seat and I’ll let you know as soon as
David is in his room and ready for visitors.” Jacob nodded curtly and steered
Rachel over to one of the sofas so they could sit down. Once more, they found
themselves waiting.
Rachel felt the start of a nagging headache that
she knew would only get worse. Her doctor said they were stress related and
they seemed to be coming more frequently in the past few months. Worrying about
David wasn’t helping any. Rachel kept glancing at her
wristwatch, watching the minutes drag by. It was almost
“You can see David now….but just for a few
minutes. He’s sleeping and right now he needs his rest.”
Jacob and
Rachel stood up and followed her down a long hallway with rooms on either side.
All the rooms had a large glass window on one side of the doorway that looked
into the room so family members and friends could still see into the room even
if they couldn’t go inside. Since it was nighttime,
most of the windows had a blind pulled down affording the patients some
privacy. The nurse paused in front of room 423 and said, “You have ten minutes
and then I suggest you both go home and get some sleep. You can come back to
see him tomorrow. He should be awake by then.”
Jacob opened the door and they stepped inside. The
room was larger than most hospital rooms but then it had to be to hold the
various machines and monitoring equipment used in the ICU. Like most hospital
rooms, it was painted that sea green color that was
supposed to be soothing and restful that most people hated. David was lying on
his back on the narrow hospital bed, his left leg elevated by an elaborate
pulley system and encased in a cast that went from his foot to just above his
knee. His left shoulder was in a sling and covered with a heavy bandage that was wrapped in such a way that it held his arm close to his
body and kept it from moving. An IV ran into the crook of his right arm.
Various monitors and sensors were attached to his body
to record his heartbeat, his pulse rate, his respirations, his temperature, and
his oxygen levels. A plastic tube snuck out from under the sheet that was
pulled up to his waist and connected to a bag hooked to the bed frame that was
collecting his urine. The soft beeps and humming of the machines was the only
sound in the room.
Rachel choked back a sob as she stepped up to her
son’s bedside and gently rubbed her fingers across his right arm, carefully
avoiding the IV line. David’s dark lashes rested against his flushed cheeks and
his face looked tired and drawn. His face was marked with heavy bruising along
his jaw and his right cheekbone. His right eye was black and
blue, swollen almost shut and the left side of his face was covered by a
large scraped area. His arms were covered with
scratches and abrasions, the fingers on his left hand badly swollen. Rachel
could see several cuts on his arms that had been stitched
closed. Since his chest and stomach was covered by the
hospital gown he wore, she couldn’t see any injuries that he might have
in those areas.
“It’s all right, baby….mama’s here.” Rachel said
softly as she leaned down and gently brushed a kiss across her son’s cheek. She
felt the tears stinging her eyes as she tried to remain strong for her son’s
sake. No mother likes to see her child injured or in pain, especially the way
that her David had been. Seeing his injuries first hand and knowing how he had
received them was breaking her heart. She had to find a way to save her son
from both the streets of
CHAPTER 3
Rachel walked into David’s room with a faint smile
pasted on her lips. Her eldest son lay on the bed, his eyes open
and staring sullenly out of the window to his left. She had become accustomed
to that surly, remote expression on his face of late. The playful, laid-back
child he’d been before his father’s death had been
replaced by this angry, withdrawn stranger in her son’s body.
“Davy?” she said as she crossed the room to his
side “How are you feeling?”
“What do you care?” he asked in a flat, toneless
voice that tore at her heart.
“I care because you’re my son and you’re hurt.”
Rachel said trying to keep her anger retort in check. “Do you wanna tell me
what happened?”
“No.”
“The police said you were attacked by a gang of
boys and thrown off a two story building. Is that true?
Is that how you got hurt?”
“If they say so.” David said, keeping his head turned away from her and
refusing to look into her eyes. He flinched when Rachel put her hand on his
right shoulder but he didn’t pull away. “I’ll be okay,
Ma. Don’t worry about it.” There was a finality in his
voice that bothered Rachel. She no longer knew what he was thinking or feeling,
he had shut that part of himself off from her.
“You need to give the police their names so they
can’t hurt someone else.”
David gave a little snort. In a sarcastic voice he
said “Yeah, right….I’m not telling the cops anything……or
I’ll get killed the next time.”
Rachel felt a chill of fear run down her spine.
David’s words were said in a calm, undisturbed voice
as if he were discussing what they were going to have for supper. Rachel found
herself wondering just how deep David had gotten into the counter culture of
the streets, the unspoken code that clearly stated you didn’t
squeal on your friends or your enemies for that matter. What exactly had David
done to make the other boys attack him? Had he simply been in the wrong place
at the wrong time or was it something deeper than that, more sinister? Rachel wasn’t sure that she really wanted to know.
“Are you in any pain? Did the doctor give you
anything?” she asked, deftly changing the subject.
“I’m fine, Ma.” David said in that same flat,
detached voice “Why don’t you just go home?” He closed his eyes and pretended
to go to sleep, hoping his mother would take the hint and just leave him alone.
He heard her sigh softly and then felt her lips brush against his forehead. He
sensed her standing beside his bedside for a few more minutes, watching him,
and then he heard her silently leave the room.
Once he was positive that she was actually gone,
David let a single tear slide down his cheek. He longed to feel his mother’s
arms around him, comforting him the way she used to when he was little and got
hurt, but he’d outgrown childish things like that the
day his father died in his arms. He was scared by his own behavior lately but
he didn’t know how to change it. The older kids he
hung out with demanded that he act like them in order to fit in.
He felt bad when he thought about some of the
things he had done in the past few months that his mother didn’t
know about. Cutting school, shoplifting, taking joyrides with
his friends in stolen cars, running errands for some of the local Mafioso that
controlled the street. Not to mention drinking, smoking and having sex
with girls who put out to anyone. He knew that he was on a fast track to
nowhere and that his father would be ashamed of him if he knew what he’d been doing.
To be honest, he was scared to death because of
the beating he’d received at the hands of a rival gang
from another neighborhood. He had been sure they were going to kill him. It had
all started because he’d been caught with one of the
gang member’s girlfriends. They’d grabbed him and drug
him up onto the roof of the building where they’d kicked him into submission
and then beaten him with a baseball bat.
He’d never forget the agony when they broke his ankle and
dislocated his shoulder. But that was nothing compared
to the sheer terror he’d felt when they threw him over the side of the
building. Luckily, he’d fallen into a pile of boxes
lying in the alley below or he probably would have been killed. His stubborn
pride and headstrong willfulness prevented him from admitting that he was
throwing away his life. And it was that same
stubbornness that kept him from seeking the comfort and security of his
mother’s embrace. But it was his own instinct for
survival that prevented him from telling anyone who had attacked him and why.
Any tears he shed would be shed in silence, locked
away with the rest of his emotions, deep inside of himself in a place nobody
could reach. His true self hidden from the world
behind the carefully constructed mask he presented to others.
When the doctor came in later to examine him, he
bore his pain in silence, refusing to let anyone know just how much he was
suffering. Although he didn’t know it, that was a
trait that would follow him into adulthood. He welcomed the blissful relief of
the medication that lulled him into a restless sedated sleep. He was still
half-asleep when they moved him from the ICU into a ward on another floor later
that afternoon.
That evening, Rachel came to sit with her son
again. He allowed her touch without pulling away but he still refused to talk
to her beyond a few muttered words.
“I spoke to the doctor.” Rachel told him with
false enthusiasm, trying to raise his spirits. “He said as long as there are no
complications, you can come home at the end of the week.” When he didn’t reply but just looked at her from beneath the shadow
of his thick dark lashes, she added, “You’ll be on crutches for awhile until
your ankle heals enough for them to put on a walking cast but they don’t think
there’ll be any permanent damage.” A flicker of emotion crossed his face,
almost too brief to notice. He had never thought about any permanent damage to
his ankle. Rachel went on as if she hadn’t noticed his
continuing silence “Your shoulder will probably bother you for awhile even
after the sling comes off but the doctor doesn’t think you’ll need any physical
therapy.” She glanced pointedly at his supper tray which
was still sitting, untouched, on his bedside table. “You really should eat
something.”
“You want it…you eat it.” David said in an
irritated voice. “It’s tastes like crap…”
“David Michael!” Rachel chided him “Watch your
language!”
“Crap’s not a bad word, Ma….I could’ve said shit.”
He said sullenly. He saw the anger flare in his mother’s eyes and wisely
decided to be quiet. She’d been pushed as far as she
intended to let him push her for one day. “Sorry….” He muttered in a
half-hearted apology.
“I really should be going. Jacob will back to get
me soon. They’re keeping Nicky until you get out of here but I still have to go
to work in the morning.” After her husband’s murder, Rachel had
been forced to take a part time job in a sewing factory to make ends
meet. She worked three twelve-hour days a week and made barely enough money to
pay their bills even with her husband’s death benefits. And
without any medical insurance, she would have to go to the Social Service
department downtown to get help to pay for David’s medical bills.
“Go home, Ma. I’ll be okay.” David said in a weary
voice. He knew how bad things were for his mother since his father’s death and
he felt guilty that he was only adding to her problems. But
he didn’t know how to make things any easier for her. Maybe someday he could
but not now. He accepted her good night kiss without complaining, for a
fleeting moment wishing that he was Nicky’s age again.
He blinked back the tears that filled his eyes as she left the room, leaving
him alone.
Rachel was silent on the ride home, ignoring
Jacob’s attempt at conversation. When she was safely behind the closed doors of
her house, she picked up the phone and dialed her brother-in-law’s phone number
out in
CHAPTER 4
David sat in the wheelchair in front of the living
room window and scowled darkly as he looked out at the neighborhood. Nicky had
been excited to see him when Ma and Uncle Jacob brought him home from the
hospital earlier that afternoon. He had insisted on being the first one to sign
the cast on his leg and told him about an art project he was doing at school.
David tuned him out; annoyed by his younger brother’s insistent chattering.
He wanted to be outside with his
friends not stuck in the house with his mother and kid brother. But that was out of the question. Ma had forbidden him to
hang out with his friends because of what had happened. And
with his leg in the stupid cast, he couldn’t just walk out the door like he
would have done otherwise.
He turned his attention back to Nicky when he
heard him say something about Uncle Al and Aunt Rose coming for a visit.
“What’d cha say?” he asked sharply, glancing at his younger brother.
“I told you Aunt Rose and Uncle Al are coming to
see us all the way from
“What for?” David asked suspiciously. His Aunt and Uncle from
“This weekend.” Nicky said happily. David had been ignoring him a lot
since he started hanging out with his new friends and Nicky missed playing
games with his big brother. He was pleased that David was even talking to him
instead of telling him to get lost like he usually
did.
“Boys, supper’s ready!” Rachel’s voice called from
the kitchen before David could continue questioning his younger brother.
“Can I push your chair?” Nicky asked in an excited
voice.
“Yeah, I guess.” David told him with a heavy sigh.
He reached down with his good hand and released the brake on the right hand
side of the chair. Nicky grunted as he pushed the wheelchair towards the
archway that led into the kitchen. The aroma of fried chicken filled the air
and tall glasses of milk already sat on the table beside each boy’s plate.
Nicky maneuvered the wheelchair up to the end of the table in front of David’s
place setting.
Rachel sat a platter of fried chicken in the
middle of the table and then added a bowl of mashed potatoes, one of rich dark
gravy, and a side dish of green beans. She took her place at the table and
reached out to join hands with her sons. Nicky rested his left hand on David’s
sling and the three of them bowed their heads as Rachel said the blessing. When
she had finished, she began putting food on David’s plate.
“Nicky said Aunt Rose and Uncle Al are coming for
a visit.” David said, looking at his mother sullenly. “How
come?”
“I called them.” Rachel said quietly “I asked them
to come.”
“What for?” David asked insistently. “They ain’t been here for a visit
since Pop died. Why should they come for one now?”
“I told you because I asked them to. We’ll talk
about this later.” Rachel said firmly. “Now eat your supper.” Both boys knew
not to argue with their mother when she used that tone of voice so they began
to eat. They finished their meal in silence and then Nicky helped his mother
clear the table. While Rachel did the dishes, David rolled his wheelchair into
the living to watch TV while Nicky went outside to play until dark.
David was engrossed in a movie when his mother
came into the living room and shut off the TV. “Hey!” he objected, “I was
watching that!”
“David, we need to talk.” Rachel said solemnly as
she sat down on the sofa, turning so she could see her oldest son’s profile.
“About what?” David asked, immediately on guard and
suspicious.
“About you. About all the trouble you’ve been
getting into. About what happened with those other boys.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Ma.” David said
flatly, refusing to look into his mother’s eyes. This was a conversation that they’d already had several times in the past and he was in
no mood to have it again.
“Not talking about isn’t going to make it go
away.” Rachel pointed out patiently. “You
were lucky this time. What about the next time?”
“There won’t be any next time.”
“You can’t be sure of that….not the way you’d been
acting….not with those kids you’ve been hanging out with.”
“Save the lecture.” David said in an irritated
voice, “I can take care of myself.”
“No, you can’t. Not as well as you think you can
anyway.” Rachel sighed softly. She didn’t want to
fight with David, not again but she knew that he was going to be very angry
with her when he found what she had decided to do. “I don’t know what to do
with you anymore, David….you won’t listen, you disobey me constantly, you sneak
out of the house whenever you want to…and when I try to talk to you, you disrespect me and shut me out completely.”
“Then why don’t you just leave me alone?” David
snapped sharply, his dark eyes turning to look at his mother angrily. “I don’t
need you telling me all the time what a fuck up I am!”
“David Michael Starsky!” Rachel snapped just as
sharply “You will not use that kind of language in this house! You’re not too
big for me to turn over my knee!”
“I’d like to see you try!” David shot back in a
challenging tone, ignoring the pain that ripped through his heart when he
realized that he may have finally pushed his mother
too far this time. He wanted to apologize for his words but his pride refused
to let him back down now.
Rachel took a deep breath to calm herself and exhaled slowly. In a quiet but determined voice,
she said, “Al and Rose are coming here to take you back to
“What!?” David said his
voice high with shock and surprise. “You’re sending me away?” He blinked back
his tears and jutted out his jaw stubbornly, refusing to let his mother see how
much her words hurt him.
“You haven’t let me much choice, David.” His
mother said, slowly rising to her feet. She knew she couldn’t
continue this conversation right now or she’d start crying. “I don’t know what
else to do with you.”
As she walked out of the room, David yelled after
her “I HATE YOU! I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF YOU SEND ME AWAY!” Biting back her
own tears at the pain and anger she heard in her child’s voice, Rachel forced
herself to ignore him and climbed up the stairs to her bedroom.
As his mother disappeared out of sight, David
choked back a sob and tried to calm his racing heart. He couldn’t
believe that his mother would actually send him away. He was sure he that could
talk her out of it before that weekend. The idea of leaving the only home he’d ever known, his friends and his family terrified him.
He barely knew Rose and Al. They had moved to
Still reeling with shock at his mother’s decision,
David wheeled himself across the living to the downstairs bedroom where he
would be sleeping until he could manage to climb the stairs to his room. He
slammed the door loudly and locked it but he felt no satisfaction at his
childish act. With some difficulty he managed to slide
himself from the wheelchair to the bed. Lifting the heavy cast up to the
mattress, he stretched out and turned his face, burying it in the pillow so
nobody would hear the sound of his heartbroken sobs.
CHAPTER 5
David sat in the back yard staring at the street,
lost in his own thoughts. Aunt Rose and Uncle Al would be arriving from
He glanced up as one of his friends from the
neighborhood, Tommy Sullivan, snuck through the gate
and came into the yard. Rachel was at work so David knew it was safe to talk to
his friend for a few minutes. Tommy was the same age as David and lived with
his mother in a two room apartment in the projects
nearby. His mother worked the streets for a living so Tommy was
left on his own most of the time.
“Hey, Davy…” Tommy said with a grin. He looked at
the heavy cast on David’s leg and the wheelchair, letting out a low whistle.
“Man, it must be a bitch to be laid up like that.”
“Yeah, it sucks.” David agreed with a tight smile.
“Especially since Ma said I can’t leave the house.”
“She tell ya that you
can’t hang out with us anymore?” Tommy said, his words more a
of a statement of fact than it was a question.
“Something like that.”
“Hey, we didn’t have anything to do with what
Rusty and his gang did.” Tommy said defensively. “Hell, when Toby found out
what they did to you, he tracked down Rusty’s kid
brother and beat the shit out of him.” Street justice and payback in it’s most basic form.
“Try telling my mom that.” David said, choosing
not to comment on Tommy statement about Rusty’s kid
brother. “She thinks you’re all a bad influence.”
“How long is she gonna make you hang around here?”
“Not long….she’s sending me away.” David said with
a snort, turning his head to avoid his friend’s eyes.
“What? Where the hell is she sending you?” Tommy
said in a surprised voice.
“Out to
“
“Don’t call my mom a bitch!” David snapped,
turning back to glare at his friend angrily. He may be angry at
his mother but nobody else was going to disrespect her. He inhaled deeply to
control his surge of emotions and then sighed, “Maybe it’ll just be for the
summer. If I straighten up while I’m out there, maybe she’ll let me come back
home.”
“Yeah, maybe. It sure won’t be the same around here without you.” Tommy
grinned as he thought about some of the trouble the two boys had gotten into
together in the past few months. One of the things he liked about David the
most was the fact that he didn’t seem scared to try
anything, no matter how dangerous it was. Just being with him gave Tommy a
false sense of security and courage. He knew no matter what
went down, David always had his back.
“I tried talking her out of it but she’s got her
mind made up.” David said sullenly. “She says it’s for my own good.”
“That what you think too?”
“Fuck no. I don’t wanna
leave….everything’s just all screwed up right now. Ma’s really pissed off at me
this time.”
“Hey, like you said…..maybe it’ll just be for the
summer.” Tommy said trying to give his friend some encouragement. “When are you
leaving?”
“My Aunt and Uncle will be here tomorrow and
they’re gonna stay for three days before they go back.”
“That soon? That ain’t much time. Is she even
gonna let you say goodbye to anybody?”
“I doubt it. She just wants to get rid of me as
soon as she can.”
“I’m really gonna miss ya, man…” Tommy said self
consciously, looking at his friend with a shy smile. “I’ll tell the other guys
what happened so they won’t think you just cut out on ‘em.”
“Thanks. I don’t want ‘em
to think I didn’t care enough to say goodbye.”
“Look, I gotta go…” Tommy said uneasily. Like most
boys his age, he wasn’t comfortable when he started
talking about his feelings. “I’m supposed to meet Timmy and Steve over by the
drug store. You take care, ya hear?”
“Yeah, thanks.” David said as he watched his
friend turn to leave the yard. As the gate swung shut behind him, David heard
the back door open and then shut as Nicky came out of the house.
“What was Tommy doing here?” Nicky asked as he
came up to stand beside his oldest brother, “Ma said you couldn’t hang out with
him no more.”
“I wasn’t hanging out with him.” David said in an
annoyed voice, “We was just talking and if you tell Ma he was here, I’ll smack
ya.”
“I won’t tell. I promise.” Nicky said solemnly. He
scuffed his tennis shoe back and forth in the dirt at his feet and then looked at
his brother gravely. In a small voice, he asked “Is Ma really going make you go
stay with Uncle Al and Aunt Rose?”
“It looks that way.” David said tightly, suddenly
finding it hard to swallow past the lump that seemed lodged in his throat.
“Why? What’d you do to make her so mad at you?”
Nicky asked with the innocence of a child.
“Guess she just don’t want me around no more.”
David said sharply. He made no attempt to hide the
anger or the bitterness in his voice. He had used his anger to hide behind
since his father’s murder. For David it was a safer emotion for him to express
than his pain. The anger had wrapped itself around his heart and squeezed out
his other emotions until he didn’t know how to react
any other way.
“Is she gonna send me away too if I’m bad?” Nicky
asked, his voice falling almost to a whisper, as he looked to his older brother
for answers just like he always had.
A trace of a smile crept onto David’s face as he
glanced at his kid brother. Reaching out, he gently rumbled his curly hair. “Naw,
you’re her little angel…you never do nothing wrong.” He said with a hint of
gruffness and resentment in his voice. “She won’t send you away.”
“When am I gonna see ya again?”
“I don’t know.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Nicky said with a slight
hiccup in his voice as his eyes brimmed with tears.
“I’m gonna miss you too, kid.” David said,
gathering his little brother close and giving him a quick hug. “But I’ll write
ya. I promise.”
“Okay.” Nicky said in a small voice as if he
doubted if he would ever see his big brother again once
he was sent away. “Will you fix me a sandwich?” He said with a slight whine to
his voice. “I’m hungry.”
“Sure; I’m kinda hungry myself.” David said, as he
turned the wheelchair around to go back into the house. It had been easier
getting the wheelchair out the back door than it was to get it back in but with
Nicky’s help, he managed. He told Nicky to get him the bread and peanut butter
so he could make them some sandwiches. They ate in silence and then Nicky went
into the living room to watch TV until their mother got home for work. After a
few minutes, David joined him.
CHAPTER 6
The sound of the door slamming echoed throughout
the house as David disappeared into the bedroom. Rachel bit back the tears that
brimmed in her eyes as her eldest deliberately shut her out just like he’d been doing for the past four days. Rose Starsky
stepped up behind her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. In a soft
gentle voice she said, “Stay strong, Rachel. You’re
doing the right thing. You know you are.”
“I pray to God you’re right.” Rachel said, choking
back a sob that threatened to overcome her. “He’s so angry with me….I’m not
sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive me.”
“He will….just give him some time. He’s angry at everything and everybody in his life right
now, not just you. If you back down now and let him stay, he’ll just keep
getting into trouble and the next time he might not be as lucky as he was this
time.”
“I know you’re right.” Rachel admitted with a soft
sigh as she turned to face the other woman. “But it still hurts so much….what
kind of mother sends her child away to live with someone else?”
“A mother who cares. A mother who loves her son and wants
what’s best for him.” Al Starsky stated as he came up to stand beside
his wife. He looked at her encouragingly. “He’ll be alright, Rachel. We’ll take good care of him. And I’ll make sure he calls you
every Friday night at
“I know you’ll take care of him.” Rachel said with
a soft smile, “My mind tells me I’m doing the right thing…..but my heart still
has a mind of its own.” She glanced back at the closed door, a symbol of the
barrier between her and her son.
“Let’s have some coffee.” Rose suggested, trying
to distract Rachel from her remorseful thoughts. Rachel nodded as the three
adults turned and walked into the kitchen. She would do what was right for her
son, no matter how much it hurt her personally. Maybe someday
when he was older he would be able to understand.
In his room, David grabbed his clothes out of the
closet and the dresser in a cold rage. He threw open the old battered suitcase
he had laid on the bed and stuffed them inside haphazardly. Fine…she wants
me gone so bad then I don’t care anymore. I’m outta here! He thought to himself. She won’t have to worry about me no more, she don’t want me
anyway. She has her precious Nicky. He never does anything wrong! Deep
inside, he could feel the tears that threatened to fall but he stubbornly
refused to let them surface. He wouldn’t give any of
them the satisfaction of seeing him cry.
Rachel and Al had arrived late the night before
and David had decided to ignore them just as he had been doing with his mother.
He just glared at them when they tried to greet him and pulled away when Rose
tried to hug him. He didn’t want anyone touching him,
not anymore. He was already building a wall around the raw emotions that
threatened to overwhelm him. He swore to show them all, show them that he didn’t need anybody, not anymore. He made himself a promise
that nobody would ever get close enough to him to ever hurt
him again.
David thought again about running away but he knew
that wasn’t very realistic. He had no place to go. And even if he did run away and stay with one of his friends
until he figured out what to do, they’d only find him and make him leave
anyway. Although he refused to admit it to anyone there was a part of him, deep
inside, that was curious about
He forgot about packing any more of his clothes
and threw himself down across the bed, burying his face in the pillow. He hated
fighting with his mother but his stubborn pride refused to let him back down
now. Underneath it all, deep inside, he was just a scared thirteen year old boy
whose life was about to change dramatically.
After some time, he heard a light tap on the door
and glanced up as it opened. Nicky came into the room with a
plate of food since David had ignored his mother’s voice calling for him to
come to the table for supper. “Ma said you better eat it before it gets
cold.” Nicky said as he handed his older brother the plate.
David noticed that Ma had fixed his favorite meal,
pot roast with potatoes, carrots and onions. She
teased him and called it her ‘Paul Muni Special’ When
he asked her one time who Paul Muni was, she told him
that he was an actor that she liked and that David reminded her of him. Normally,
David would have cleaned his plate and asked for seconds but tonight he didn’t have much of an appetite. He accepted the plate and
toyed with the food, taking a few bites now and then but mainly just pushing
the food around on his plate.
Nicky climbed up on the foot of the bed and sat
there solemnly watching his big brother as he played with his food. He was sad
that Davy was really going away and there was a part of him that was angry with
his mother too for making Davy leave. He wondered if
Davy was sad too because he wasn’t going to live with
them anymore.
“Hey, kid…” David said glancing at his kid brother
with a lopsided smile that never quite reached his eyes. “You can have my
baseball and my bat. I ain’t taking it with me…the glove too.”
“You sure?” Nicky said in an excited voice, his eyes widening with
pleasure. Davy still played ball with him sometimes but not much anymore, not
since he started hanging out so much with his friends.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I won’t
need ‘em where I’m going.”
“Why not?” Nicky asked with a puzzled frown, tilting his head to one
side to look at his brother questioningly as he waited for an answer.
“Cause I ain’t gonna have no friends to play ball
with.”
“But you’ll make new friends, won’t ya?”
“Not like my friends here.” David said gruffly. He
gave up trying to eat and sat the plate on the nightstand. “Hey…you wanna help
me finish packing?”
“Sure….but you ain’t leaving till tomorrow
night…why ya doing it now?”
“Why not? There ain’t no reason to put it
off till the last minute.” David said with a shrug of his shoulders. He tried
to lighten his mood as he climbed off the bed. It wasn’t
Nicky’s fault that he had to go away. “Why don’t you grab the rest of my stuff
out of the closet?”
“Okay.” Nicky said, climbing off the bed and doing as David asked. The older boy walked over to
the dresser and opened the top drawer. He took out the framed picture of him
with Pop in his policeman’s uniform. It was taken when David was Nicky’s age and he cherished the
picture. It was the only one that he had of his father except
for a small photograph that he carried in his wallet. He didn’t want to forget it. In the bottom of the drawer, he
found a Star of David on a long silver chain. He decided to take that too. He
took the picture and the necklace and carefully put them in the bottom of the
suitcase underneath some of his clothes where they wouldn’t
be damaged during the flight back to
He sighed as he finished packing what few clothes
he had. He decided to leave his heavy winter jacket behind. He doubted if he
would need it out in
CHAPTER 7
It was almost time to go. David straightened his shoulders and tried to calm the frantic pounding of his heart. His Aunt and Uncle were saying there goodbyes to his mother, who was crying softly. Nicky stood beside her, looking almost as scared as David felt inside. His mother took a step towards him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. David tightened up but allowed her embrace, blinking back the tears that filled his eyes.
“I love you, David….always remember that.” Rachel sobbed as she held him close. “Don’t ever doubt that, son.”
“I won’t, Ma.” David said uncomfortably, deliberately pulling away from her embrace before he embarrassed himself by breaking down. He wanted so badly to cry and tell his mother how much he loved her too, to beg her again to let him stay, not to send him away, but he knew it was too late for that.
Wiping at her eyes, Rachel grabbed his hand and pressed something small and hard into his palm, gently closing his fingers around it. “I want you to have these. They’re yours now…so you’ll always remember who you are and where you come from.”
David opened his hand slowly and instantly felt a hard lump rise into his throat. Lying in the palm of his hand was the two rings his father had always worn on his right pinky finger. A braided silver band and his mother’s gold wedding band that he had given her on their wedding day. When he had replaced it with a diamond wedding set on their Tenth Anniversary, he had put the ring on his own hand. Without a word, David took the rings and slipped them onto his own left pinky finger.
“There’s our cab.” Al said as the yellow taxi pulled up to the curb in front of the house. He grabbed the single bag that he and Rose had brought with them, along with David’s single suitcase and carried them towards the cab.
Nicky ran to his older brother and threw his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly as if he would never let him go. He starting crying and David had to choke back his own tears, determined to remain strong even though his heart was breaking inside. Hugging him back tightly, David leaned down and whispered in his ear “You take good care of Ma, ya hear me? If you don’t I’ll come back and kick your ass.”
He straightened up as his Aunt stepped forward and slipped her arm around his shoulders. “It’s time to go, David.” Rachel gently untangled Nicky’s arms from around his waist and pulled her youngest son into a warm embrace. Two sets of identical sapphire blue eyes met and locked in a final goodbye, communicating in silence the words neither of them could speak out loud, as Rachel and her eldest son exchanged a final glance. “You make sure and call me as soon as you get there.” Rachel said, a slight quiver in her voice as she struggled to control her emotions.
David nodded without speaking and allowed his Aunt to guide him to the waiting cab. He climbed into the back seat with his Aunt, while his Uncle climbed into the front with the driver. Turning his head to stare out the window, David watched as his mother, his brother, and his childhood home faded out of sight.
Rose glanced at her nephew. She could feel his emotional pain and she longed to reach out and comfort him but she restrained herself, knowing that he would not allow it. Not now. Not yet. She found herself thinking how much he was like his father in that respect, keeping his hurt close to his heart and not letting anyone really know what he felt inside. He was definitely Micheal Starsky’s son. He looked like his father and he was already acting like him too, trying to be so strong and independent, so determined not to let anyone see him cry.
He was silent all the way to the airport, just staring out the window as the familiar sights of the city he knew as his home passed him by. When the cab pulled up in front of the terminal, he climbed out of the cab without a word and followed his Aunt and Uncle into the building. They found their boarding gate, checked their suitcases, and then gave the woman on duty their tickets. They were ushered down the enclosed ramp to the plane. Once on board, they were escorted to their seats by a perky flight attendant with a big smile and a deep southern drawl. Al and Rose were sitting together with David sitting in a window seat directly in front of Rose.
Lost in his own misery, David stared out the tiny window at the busy activity on the ground below as the plane prepared for take off. He made sure his seat belt was securely tightened and tried to calm the nervous fluttering of his stomach. He barely noticed as the flight attendant began her standard pre-flight instructions. David clenched his hands into fists, his fingernails digging painfully into the palms of his hands, as he felt the plane start to move down the runway. Unable to watch the takeoff, he closed his eyes tightly until he was sure that they were in the air.
It was a long flight to
When they finally arrived in
Once they were outside the terminal, Al flagged down a cab and the three of
them climbed inside for the ride to their house in
The cab finally stopped in front of a small one-story brick ranch house with a fenced in back yard. David and his Aunt climbed out of the cab, waiting patiently while Al paid the driver and collected the bags. David stole a furtive glance at his new home, wondering what life would be like behind those four walls in the months to come. He could already feel the first sharp pangs of homesickness gnawing at his heart. Sighing softly, he followed his Aunt and Uncle up the cobblestone walkway to the front door.
The inside of the house was nicely furnished with fairly new but inexpensive furniture. As Al shut the door, Rose said “David, why don’t you take your things to your room and put them away while I fix us a bite to eat? You have to be hungry. I noticed you didn’t eat on the plane. Your room is just down the hall. Last door on the left.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” David said politely, taking his bag from his Uncle and heading in the direction she had indicated. More than anything else, he just wanted to lie down and go to sleep. It had already been a long exhausting day and he was experiencing his first taste of jet lag. He found his room and opened the door, stepping across the threshold and into his new life.
The room was almost twice as big as the tiny room back home that he shared with Nicky. And for the first time in his life, he would have the room all to himself. He was grateful that the hated cast on his leg had been changed to one he could walk on just before his trip. At least he wasn’t stuck in that wheelchair anymore. He hoped he never got hurt that bad again. He’d overheard the doctor telling Ma in the hospital that his ankle might always bother him and be weaker then his other one because of how badly it had been broken. But the doctor was optimistic that he would be able to walk without a limp. He knew he should be grateful for that but, at the moment, he found it hard to be grateful about much of anything.
David sat his suitcase down on the double bed and opened it to unpack. He was surprised to find a white envelope lying on top of his nearly folded clothes. He recognized his mother’s handwriting immediately. Taking out the envelope, he sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully tore it open, taking out the single sheet of paper he found folded inside. As he opened the paper, he was startled to find one hundred dollars in tens and twenties inside. He knew that it hurt Rachel financially to give him that much money. Quickly stuffing the money into the nightstand beside the bed, he began to read his mother’s letter.
My darling David,
I know you still do not understand why
I am sending to stay with Al and Rose. You have to trust me when I tell you
that I am doing it because I love you. So much has happened to you in the past
year, to all of us, and I know how much you are hurting inside. I know how much
you loved your father and just how much you miss him. But
I could not allow you to continue to destroy your life the way you were doing.
I know you don’t see it that way but you were heading
for trouble and I had to do something to put a stop to it.
You will never know how much it hurt
me to have to do this. The last thing I wanted to do was to send you away. But I had to do what I felt was best for you. I couldn’t let my love for you stand in my way. I can only
pray that someday you will understand and that you will forgive me. I will
always love you, my son. Nothing will ever change my love for you.
Give Al and Rose a chance. Don’t let your anger and your pain take over your life. Your
father wouldn’t want that and neither do I. You’re a good boy, David. I know that. You’re
just confused right now and hurting inside. But just
remember, you have so many people who love you and care about you and only want
what is best for you.
Take care my son and keep my love with
you always. Call me every Friday like we talked about.
Remember to go to
Love MA
David choked back the tears as he finished his mother’s letter. He carefully folded it back up and put it into the envelope. He slipped it into the nightstand alongside the money and whispered, “I love you too, Ma and I miss you already.”
CHAPTER 8
Rose watched as David slowly walked down the front
walk to go to the small grocery store on the corner. He was getting better
getting around with the cast on his leg. It was a shame that he was going to
have to have it on his leg for at least another 6 weeks according to the
doctor. His ankle was taking longer to heal than the doctors in
David had been with Rose and Al for almost two
weeks now. He was slowly learning his way around the neighborhood but he was
making little effort to make friends with any of the other neighborhood
children his age. Rose knew he was having a difficult time adjusting to the
change in his lifestyle. He never smiled anymore and he barely spoke more than
a few words at a time to Rose or to Al. His deep rooted
sadness was still held in check behind a wall of anger at everything and
everyone around him. But sometimes late at night, Rose
could hear the muffled sound of crying coming from behind his closed bedroom
door.
David was lost in his own thoughts as he slowly
made his way towards the little mom and pop store on the corner. He readily
agreed to run the errand for Aunt Rose just to have an excuse to get out of the
house for awhile. He stumbled, catching the bottom
edge of his cast on a crack in the sidewalk. He hated the damn thing and the
doctor said he still had to have it on for at least six more weeks, maybe
longer if his ankle didn’t heal right. Hyperactive and
full of excessive energy, David hated how much it slowed him down and limited
both his movement and his activities. He missed playing basketball with his
friends, not that he had any friends here to play basketball with anyhow. He
was lonely, miserable and homesick.
As he neared the entrance to the store, a voice
called out to him “Hey you, white bread….you got a light?”
David turned his head to look at a tall thin black
boy about his age standing against the side of the building, a cigarette
dangling from his long thin fingers. He shook his head “No, sorry.” He said
politely
“Oh well….just thought you might.” The black boy
said with a friendly grin. He pulled a crumbled pack of cigarettes from his shirt
pocket and slipped the cigarette back inside. Stuffing the cigarettes back in
his pocket, he said “What ya getting at the store?”
“Just running an errand for my
aunt.” David told him with a shrug of
his shoulders. He paused looking at the other boy cautiously. Normally, he
would have ignored him and just kept walking but something about the other boy
made him feel comfortable and at ease. Maybe it was because he sensed that
somehow they were an awful lot alike.
“What ya do to your leg?”
“Busted my ankle.” David said without going into further detail.
“That must be a real bitch.” The black boy said
with a grin, cocking his head to one side “You talk funny. You ain’t from
around here, are ya?”
“Naw. I’m from
“What are you doing here?”
“Staying with my Aunt and Uncle
for awhile.”
“Did you get your ass in some kinda trouble back
home?” the other boy observed with a smirk. “Get sent out here as punishment?”
“Something like that.”
David said with a dark scowl.
“Hey, what’s your name anyway?”
“Dave. Dave Starsky.”
“Nice to meet you, Starsky.” The black boy said with a warm smile on his expressive features “My name’s Tommy. Tommy Brown. But
my friends all call me Huggy. Huggy Bear.”
“Huggy Bear?” David said with a laugh.
“Hey, my man….I’ll have you know my ladies gave me
that nickname cause I hug ‘em so good……” he joined in
with David’s laughter “But you can just call me Huggy.”
“You live around here, Huggy?”
“Me? Naw….I live downtown in the
projects. Just slumming today. Nothing else to
do, ya know?”
“Yeah….tell me about it.” David told him “Hey, look I better get the stuff my Aunt
sent me here for and get back before she sends my Uncle out looking for me or
something, ya know?”
“They got you on a pretty short leash, huh?”
“Not really….I just don’t
know my way around yet.” David told him a little defensively.
“Hey, no problem. Tell ya what, if you can get ‘em to cut you loose for a
little while….I could show ya around if ya want.”
“Can’t go too far with this thing “ David said glumly, motioning at the cast on his leg.
“Yeah, I guess not. Tell ya what, white bread,
when you git that thing off, look me up and we’ll
hang.” Huggy told him “I live at
“Yeah, okay. Maybe” David told him. He turned away
and went into the store to get the items his Aunt had sent him after. For the
first time since coming to
When David returned to the house, Rose noticed
immediately that he seemed to be more at ease. He even had the trace of a smile
tugging at his lips. “You look like you’re in a good mood. Did something happen
between here and the store?” she asked curiously.
“Not really.” David told her “I just met this
other kid and we got to talking that’s all.”
“Good. It’s about time you started making some
friends.” Rose said with a relieved smile.
“Why?” David asked, the ghost of the smile
disappearing from his face as he grabbed a bottle of root beer out of the
refrigerator. “I’ll be going back home when school starts in the fall.” Grabbing
an apple out of the bowl sitting on the table, he disappeared down the hallway
and into his room.
Rose sighed softly and turned her attention back
to the cherry pie she was making for supper. She didn’t
have the heart to tell David that he wouldn’t be going home like he expected to
in the fall. He’d be staying with them in
He was still angry at her
for sending him away, still feeling as if she had abandoned him and didn’t want
him around anymore, but at least they were talking without arguing. Rachel and
her son both had a quick, volatile temper and were used to saying exactly what
was on their mind. By the same token, they were openly
affectionate with each other, or had been before Michael was killed and David
built a wall around his emotions. But every now and
then, Rose caught a glimpse of the boy that David used to be and she hoped that
with time, love and patience, he would tear down those walls and move forward
with his life. He was still a good kid, he just need some guidance and a push
in the right direction.
CHAPTER 9
David slammed down the receiver, bitter tears
burning his eyes, as he fought to control the surge of anger that threatened to
overwhelm him. His mother had just told him that he wouldn’t
be coming back home when school started in the fall. He felt betrayed and lied
to. Rose glanced at her nephew cautiously. She knew from the tone of his voice
and the heat in his words that the conversation with his mother had not gone
well.
“David, is everything all right?” she asked
worriedly
“YOU LIED TO ME! YOU ALL FUCKING LIED TO ME!”
David yelled unable to control his anger any longer “NONE OF YOU EVER INTENDED
TO SEND ME BACK HOME IN THE FALL!”
“David, please calm down so we can talk about
this.” Rose said gently, concerned about David’s present
state of mind.
“GO TO HELL!” David snarled “WHY SHOULD I LISTEN
TO YOU!”
“THAT’S ENOUGH, YOUNG MAN!” Al yelled, raising his
own voice in anger. “YOU WILL NOT TALK TO YOUR AUNT LIKE THAT. DO YOU HEAR ME?”
Without a word, David turned and stomped down the
hallway to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him. Al and Rose exchanged
a worried glance. Things had been going too well for the past few days, they should have known it was too good to last. Biting
back his own anger at David’s attitude, Al walked down the hall and started to
open the door to David’s room. It was locked.
“David, unlock this door! Now!”
Al demanded in a stern voice. When there was no immediate answer, he added “If you don’t then I’m going to kick it in!”
Finally, he heard the click of the lock being turned but the door remained closed. Al reached down
and turned the knob, opening the door and stepping into the room. David was
standing beside the window, staring outside with his back towards his Uncle.
The tightness in his shoulders and the rigid set
to his back clearly displayed his outrage.
Al took a long, deep breath and exhaled slowly.
Trying to keep his voice calm and level, he said “I realize you’re angry and
that you think we all lied to you but while you are in this house, you will
treat me, your Aunt Rose and your mother with respect.
Is that clear?”
“
“When you feel like talking instead of staying in
here and sulking, I’ll be in the living room.” Al told him, as he backed out of
the room, Just before he shut the door, he added “And
no more locked doors in this house or I’ll take the lock off your door.” He
closed the door softly and David listened to the sound of his footsteps as they
faded down the hallway.
When he was sure that his Uncle wasn’t
going to be coming back to lecture him anytime soon, David slowly and quietly
raised his bedroom window. Slipping out the screen, he carefully eased himself
out the window and dropped to the back lawn. He had to get away. He had to
think. Keeping in the shadows, he made his way across the yard and slipped into
the street. He had no idea where he was going but he was leaving. The money his
mother had given him was tucked safely inside his tennis shoe so at least he’d be able to pay his own way for a few days until he
figured things out.
The cast hampered his escape but he ignored the
throbbing ache in his healing ankle as he trudged down the street. The darkness
surrounded him and he welcomed the solitude it offered. He’d
learned enough on the streets back home to survive on his own for a while if he
had too. He just needed to make sure and avoid the cops at all costs.
As he moved away from the middle class
neighborhood where his Aunt and Uncle lived and closer to the downtown streets,
the houses became more rundown and crammed closer together. Trash, discarded furniture and broken bottles littered the sidewalks. Alleys
loomed, dark and forbidding. This was a world that David was familiar with, one
he knew how to survive in.
After a while, he ducked into one of the alleys
and crouched down behind an overflowing dumpster to rest for bit. Leaning his
back against the brick wall of the building behind him, he closed his eyes and
drifted off to sleep, exhausted both physically and mentally. Sometime later,
he jerked awake, startled by the rat that ran across his body. Cursing under
his breath, he shoved himself to his feet and went in search of another place
to spend the night.
He soon found an abandoned house with boarded up
windows. Going around to the back, he pulled a board off one of the broken
windows and climbed inside. The house had that musty closed up smell of a place
that hadn’t been lived in for a long time. Most of the
furniture was gone but he found an old mattress in one of the downstairs rooms
covered with a dirty stained comforter. Grateful for a place to rest, he threw
himself down on the bed and fell back to sleep until morning.
The rumbling of his stomach awakened him shortly
after dawn, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten any
supper the night before. Shoving himself to his feet, he found the bathroom
where he relieved himself and splashed some of the cold rusty water from the
sink on his face. Running his fingers through his unruly curls, he left the
house the same way he went in.
He glanced around the neighborhood to get his
bearings. Spotting a dingy diner on the corner, he made his way in that
direction. He slipped inside and sat down at one of the battered wooden tables.
When a bored looking waitress with heavy glasses and
bleached blonde hair came over to ask what he wanted, he ordered eggs over
easy, white toast, and hash browns with a cup of coffee to wash it down. As she
disappeared into the kitchen to place his order, he cautiously leaned down and
pulled a five dollar bill from the inside of his shoe
to pay for his meal. At that time of the morning, the only other customer in
the diner was an old man who was sitting dozing at a table in the far corner or
the room. When his food came, David ate it quickly, left the money to pay for
it on the table and quickly left the diner before the
waitress could decide to ask him any questions.
He spent most of the day just wondering the
streets checking out his new environment and trying to decide what to do next.
When nightfall came, he made his way back to the abandoned house to spend
another night alone. His anger from the day before had drained away leaving him
feeling detached and alone. He still wasn’t sure just
what he intended to do but he knew that the one thing he didn’t intend to do
was go back to his Aunt and Uncles any time soon.
CHAPTER 10
David jerked awake, startled
and disoriented momentarily. He caught his breath as he sat up and looked
around, trying to remember where he was. Then he remembered. He had ran away
from his Aunt and Uncle’s house when he found out that he wasn’t going to be
allowed to go back to New York in the fall when school started like he had been
counting on. He sighed heavily as he let the tension slowly train from his
body. He had to come up with some kind of plan. He knew Rosie and Al would be
looking for him and they’d probably have the cops
after him too. Briefly, he thought about how worried and upset his mother would
be when she found out what he had done but he couldn’t
concern himself with any of that now.
From the bright sunlight that was pouring through
the uncovered window behind him, he realized it must be late morning. His
rumbling stomach also confirmed that fact. He pulled his money out of his shoe
and counted it. He had just over eighty dollars left but he knew that wouldn’t last long if he had to use it for food. Shoving
himself to his feet, he went into the bathroom to take care of business, then climbed out of the window.
He bought some doughnuts from a bakery a few
blocks away from the abandoned house where he was staying and got a cold soda
out of a machine to wash them down with. He wandered
the streets aimlessly, not really paying much attention to where he was going.
He was startled when he heard a voice yell, “Hey, white bread! Whatcha doing
down here?”
He jerked up his head and saw Huggy Bear leaning
against the side of a building across the street. The tall thin black boy
grinned as David darted across the street towards him. “Hey,” he said a little
breathlessly, relieved to see a friendly face that he recognized.
“Ain’t you a little out of your neighborhood?”
Huggy asked with a smirk. “What happened to that leash around your neck?”
“I split.” David said with a trace of sarcasm
creeping into his voice. “They lied to me. I thought I was only gonna be here
until school started back up in the fall.”
“So ya made like a jack rabbit, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Where you staying?”
“Here and there.” David said evasively, not sure just how
far he could trust Huggy yet.
“In other words you’re hanging on the streets.”
Huggy said knowledgably. “Hey, man…this ain’t
“You ain’t never been to
“So whatcha gonna do?
“I don’t know yet.” David admitted
“I ain’t going back to my Aunt and Uncle’s place that’s for sure.”
“They gonna have the cops looking for ya?”
“Probably….but I ain’t scared of the cops. I know
how to dodge them.”
“You got guts, white bread. I’ll give ya that much.” Huggy said with a grin
“Hey, look….why don’t you come back to my place with me? You can hang there for
a while. My ma won’t care. She has this thing about
strays.”
“Hey, I don’t need your charity.” David said a
little defensively “I can take care of myself.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can.” Huggy said, slinging an
arm around his new friend’s shoulders. “I ain’t offering ya no
charity…..just figured you might like sleeping in a real bed. It’s probably
better than wherever you been sleeping…..and safer
too.”
“Why are you doing this?” David said suspiciously.
“You don’t even know me.”
“What’s to know? You’re a
white ass punk from
“Okay….” David said reluctantly “But just for one
night.” David had to admit that it sounded better than wandering the streets
all day by himself.
“We’ll talk about that later.” Huggy told him with
a chuckle as they walked down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. As they
walked, Huggy stopped to talk to various people along the way. He seemed to
know everybody in the neighborhood and they all seemed to know him. None of
them paid much attention to David even though he was painfully aware that he stuck
out like a sore thumb in this predominately black
neighborhood. Just being with Huggy seemed to give him
the stamp of approval from the black boy’s friends and acquaintances. Having
already felt the sharp sting of discrimination himself for being Jewish, David
was more tolerant of other races and religions than some of
his friends back in
“So tell me,” Huggy said as they walked along “Why
did your folks send you all the way out here anyway? What’d
you do to piss ‘em off?”
“It was my Ma who sent me out here.” David said a
sharp edge of anger creeping into his voice “She said she was doing it for my
own good.”
“Was she?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” David snapped “Cause it ain’t none of your damn business.”
“Seems to me you need to talk
about it instead of keeping all that anger bottled up inside of ya.” Huggy told him calmly, ignoring his outburst. “You’re
ready to explode and there ain’t gonna be nobody around to pick up the pieces.”
Look, I don’t need this shit from you or anybody
else!” David said sullenly, stopping suddenly and turning to glare at the black
boy defiantly. “I’ve had enough crap from everybody for the past few weeks to
last me for the rest of my life!”
“Hey, calm down.” Huggy, lifting his hands in a
gesture of surrender “I’m on your side, remember?”
“Than start acting like it and
stop asking me so many damn questions.”
David snarled, the anger still boiling just beneath the surface.
“White boy’s got a temper,” Huggy said with a
chuckle, throwing his arm back over David’s shoulders “Goes with the attitude.
I can see that we’re gonna get along just fine.” He grinned broadly “Okay, no
more questions. I wouldn’t want you to get all riled up again and run away…..at
least not until you figure out what you’re running from.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” David demanded
“Hey, you’re a smart kid…..I bet you’ll figure it
for yourself sooner or later.” Huggy said as he led him into a large courtyard
surrounded on three sides by four story red brick buildings that had seen
better days. The courtyard was cluttered with trash,
empty cans and broken toys. Huggy opened the door to the building on his left
and ushered David inside. The interior smelled of cigarette smoke, urine, and a
mixture of stale cooking odors that lingered in the air. David followed Huggy
up a rickety dimly lit stairway to the third floor. He stopped at the doorway
to Apartment 3D and opened the door. The two boys stepped inside.
The apartment was small with bare wooden floors
and unpainted walls. A dim light overhead cast dark shadows in the corners of
the room. A tiny kitchenette stood off to one side where a heavyset black woman
with her hair pulled back into a bun was cooking something on the stove.
David’s mouth watered hungrily at the aroma that filled the air. She glanced at
the two boys and smiled warmly, welcoming them. She didn’t
seem to be surprised to see her son with a strange white boy she’d never met
before.
“I see you brought a friend home with you.” She
said with a faint accent to her voice.
“Yeah, Ma.” Huggy said “This is Dave. He
needs a place to crash for a couple of days.”
“I see. It’s nice to meet you, Dave.”
“Nice to meet you too, Ma’am.” David said,
remembering his manners.
“Ma’am?” she said with a soft laugh “It’s been a
long time since anyone called me Ma’am. Such nice manners for
a white boy.” She turned her attention back to the stove “Are you boys
hungry?”
“Starving.” Huggy said with a grin and a wink at David. They sat down
at the tiny table while his mother opened the refrigerator and poured each of
them a large glass of milk. She sat the glasses on the table in front of them
and then grabbed two bowls out of the cabinet over her head. She quickly filled
them both and sat one down in front of each boy. David smiled when he saw the
thick rich chicken broth and plump dumplings in his bowl, mixed with thick
pieces of white meat. As they began to eat, she turned off the stove and said “I have to get ready for work. I should be home around
six.”
“That’s okay, Ma. We’re just gonna hang here for a
while.” Huggy said as his mother disappeared into a tiny bedroom off of the living room. He glanced at David who was enjoying
his meal. “Give me and you a chance to get to know each other better.” He said “Unless you’re gonna take my head off again if I start
asking you too many questions. Kinda hard to get to know
somebody without asking questions.” David flushed self-consciously,
ashamed of his earlier outburst. It wasn’t Huggy he
was mad at. It was everything else in his life.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” David mumbled “I just don’t like to talk about back home, ya
know?”
“Fair enough.” Huggy said good naturedly “I figure you’ll tell me
whatever you want me to know when you’re ready to.”
“Is it just you and your Ma?” David asked, trying
to change the subject away from himself.
“Yeah. My old man split when I was five. It’s just been me and Ma
ever since.”
“What’s your Ma do?”
“She cooks for a restaurant down the street. Works the lunch and supper trade.”
“She’s a good cook.” David said as he finished his
food and drank his milk.
“Damn straight she is.”
“So is my Ma.” David said, the words slipping out
before he realized he was going to say them. He hung his head to hide his eyes
as the homesickness washed over him so strong he could almost taste it. He just
wanted to go home, back to
CHAPTER 11
Huggy was awakened from a
deep sleep by the restlessness of his new friend sleeping on a pallet on the
floor beside his bed. He was obviously caught up in
the midst of a nightmare. He was whimpering in his sleep and thrashing around
with his arms as if fighting off some unseen enemy. “Hey, kid…..” Huggy said
reaching down to grab the other boy’s shoulder “Wake up, man….you’re dreaming.”
David remained trapped in his nightmare, seeming unaware of Huggy’s efforts to
awaken him. “Hey, David!” Huggy said louder “Wake up!”
Sapphire eyes flew open, looking around wildly,
before finally locking on the soft brown eyes of his new friend gazing down at
him warily. Breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his chest, David shoved
himself to a sitting position and took several slow deep breathes to calm himself
down. He could sense Huggy’s concerned gaze focused on him intently.
“I’m okay…” David said in a shaking voice trying
to reassure him “Just give me a minute.”
“Must’ve been one hell of
dream.” Huggy said noting the sweat
covered face and the wet curls that framed his features. “You wanna talk about
it?”
“It’s just a nightmare I have once in a while.”
David said evasively, refusing to meet his friend’s eyes. “Ain’t really nothing to talk about.”
“What’s it about?” Huggy asked probing gently.
At first he didn’t think
David was going to answer him and then the other boy sighed softly and said in
a barely audible voice “When my dad died…...”
“When’d he die?” the black boy asked quietly,
trying to draw the other boy out more.
“A little over a year ago.” David told him starting to regain some of his composure.
He shifted positions trying to get comfortable. He crossed his legs in front of
him and leaned his arms against his knees.
“How?”
“He was shot.”
Huggy raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had been
expecting him to say Cancer or a car accident. He had not expected him to say
that he’d been shot. He could sense his friend’s
emotional pain as he talked about that day, a day that he continued to relive
in his nightmares.
“What happened? Was he mugged or something?”
“No.” David said, shaking his head slowly “He was
a cop. He was just getting home from work…..these guys drove by in a black
Chevy and just started shooting.”
“Oh man,” Huggy said not sure exactly what to say “That’s heavy.” He caught his breath sharply as another
thought occurred to him. “You saw it?” he asked cautiously.
“There was so much blood….it was everywhere.”
David said in a soft far away voice “He couldn’t breath….he
kept gasping for air….he…he…grabbed hold of my shirt and wouldn’t let go….” Huggy
closed his eyes for a moment, cringing at the images David’s words brought to
mind. The other boy continued as if he’d forgotten
that Huggy was even there “I watched his eyes glaze over…..I knew he was
dead…..but I couldn’t let go of him….”
“Jesus….” Huggy hissed under his breath. His own
father had been a small time hustler who left when
Huggy was small. He didn’t even remember the man. He couldn’t imagine going through the trauma that David was
describing. No wonder the other boy was so filled with
anger and rage. He found himself wondering how much his father’s murder had to
do with whatever had happened that had caused him to be sent
to