Title: Thanks to Kira (Slash version)
Author: Sparkle731
Type: Slash
Summary: Can Starsky and Hutch salvage their friendship after Kira?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Starsky
and Hutch, just having fun with them for awhile.
Format: Story
Category: Starsky
angst, Starsky H/C, Hutch angst, first time story
Rating: NC-17
THANKS TO KIRA
By Sparkle731
Hutch missed Starsky. It had been over two weeks since the incident with Kira. He still saw Starsky every day at work, but the man he worked with wasn’t the same man he’d known and been friends with for over ten years. That man was gone. He’d been replaced by a cold, disinterested stranger that only spoke to Hutch when he had to. In one careless moment, Hutch had thrown away his friendship with the one person that meant more to him than anyone else in the world. He had hurt Starsky deeply, too deeply for the other man to ever forgive him for his betrayal. And that knowledge was slowly killing Hutch a little bit more every day.
Hutch knew that he could never tell Starsky the real reason he had slept with Kira. At the time, Hutch hadn’t even known the reason himself. At first he had told himself it was just because he could, some kind of twisted struggle for superiority with Starsky over a beautiful woman who had made it plain that she liked both of them. And Kira had been just willing as Hutch was to climb into that bed together, that was the one thing Starsky chose to ignore.
Hutch would never forget the look of pain and betrayal in Starsky’s eyes when Hutch came out of Kira’s bedroom, still buttoning up his shirt and rearranging his clothes. Or the pure rage that fueled that combat body as he slammed Hutch against the wall and began pounding him with his fists. Hutch didn’t even attempt to defend himself. He knew he deserved every blow that Starsky was sending his way. Beneath the spew of obscenities that poured out of his partner’s mouth, Hutch could still hear the sobbing gasps that ripped from his throat.
A few days later, after the case they were all three working on together was wrapped up, Hutch had tried apologizing to Starsky but the brunet half of the partnership didn’t want any part of it. And Kira was out of the picture too. Neither man wanted anything more to do with her. Any feelings that either one of them had felt for the gorgeous blonde with the long sexy legs had disappeared along with the trust that had been the cornerstone of Starsky and Hutch’s friendship and their partnership.
Hutch finished his beer and signaled the waitress for another one. He was startled when a hand suddenly fell on his shoulder and a familiar voice behind him said quietly “No more tonight, Blondie. It’s time to go home.”
Hutch spun his head around, his eyes narrowing when he looked into his partner’s face. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he growled
“Huggy called me.” Starsky said undaunted by Hutch’s foul mood. “He said you were gonna need a ride home.”
“So you ran right out the door to come and get me, huh?” Hutch snarled, clumsily shoving himself off the barstool and straightening to his full height of six feet two inches. He was only a few inches taller than Starsky and Hutch knew that extra height was to his advantage but Starsky wasn’t the least bit intimidated.
“Yeah, figured I’d save some taxi driver from having you puke in the back seat of his cab all the way home.” Starsky said grimly, locking eyes with his partner in a fierce battle of will.
“So that mean you’re gonna let me puke in your precious car all the way home?” Hutch said with a sneer, deliberately trying to bait his partner.
“In your dreams. And if you do, you’re gonna pay to have it cleaned up.” Starsky said, refusing to take the bait at he reached out to grab Hutch’s forearm firmly “Now let’s go…Huggy already cut you off for the evening.”
“Don’t matter. I got more booze at my place.” Hutch said, slurring his words blindly as he stumbled towards the front door, guided gently by his partner’s hand on his arm.
“Great….then you can drink yourself stupid there.” Starsky grumbled “That way you won’t have far to fall when you pass out.”
Hutch thought about pulling his
arms out of Starsky’s grasp but decided against it. It felt good just to have
Starsky touching him again even if it wasn’t with his usual affection. He let
Starsky lead him outside to where Starsky’s Candy Apple Red Torino with the
distinctive white stripe was parked at the curb in front of the bar. Starsky
eased him into the front seat, then crossed around to
the other side to slide underneath the wheel. The powerful engine roared to
life as he turned the ignition and pulled into the street. Twenty minutes
later, he pulled up in front of Hutch’s apartment at
Starsky let Hutch lean against the wall while he fumbled above the doorsill for the key that Hutch kept hidden there in spite of repeated warnings from his partner to move it somewhere safer. Starsky got the door opened and helped his highly inebriated partner inside. Hutch stumbled over to the sofa and slouched down on the cushions as Starsky shut the door and locked it.
“You can leave now.” Hutch slurred, eyeing his friend and partner warily. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”
“No, you need a keeper….or a leash.” Starsky said as he walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. He sighed softly as he hunted through the cabinets for the canister of coffee. He planned on staying, at least until Hutch passed out, to make sure he didn’t drink anymore alcohol, not tonight anyway. Starsky was tired and in no mood himself for Hutch’s surly mood. The pain of Hutch’s betrayal with Kira still cut through the dark haired detective like a knife, settling between the two men like an invisible wall that neither one of them knew how to breech.
“Guess I’m not much of a white knight anymore am I, Starsky?” Hutch mumbled from his place on the sofa “I’m just a self bastard that fucked his best friend’s girl.”
“Don’t go there, Hutch.” Starsky said in a mildly warning tone, as he concentrated on filling the coffeepot and turning it on to brew. The hurt was like a scab that he kept picking at just as it started to heal, reopening the wound. “Not tonight.”
“Why not tonight?” Hutch demanded “You don’t wanna talk about it any other time. Hell, you don’t even wanna talk to me at all unless you have to.”
“We both said all there was to say.” Starsky said “So just let it be.”
“Maybe you said all you had to say but not me, buddy boy.” Hutch said, stumbling to his feet and making his way towards Starsky. Sensing his approach, Starsky turned around and leaned against the counter, his body language sending out a clear message for Hutch not to come too close. Hutch moved in close but not close enough for Starsky to take a swing at him. He might be drunk but he wasn’t entirely stupid, he knew how hard Starsky could punch. In a heavily slurred voice, he said “You won’t let me tell you how sorry I am for what I did….that I’d do anything if I could just take it back.”
“You can’t take it back, Hutch….no matter what you do or say….” Starsky said his voice tight and strained as he tried to control his emotions. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having right now but he knew that nothing would deter Hutch from having his say. Starsky felt as if he were backed into a corner with nowhere to go. He decided to listen to what the tall blond had to say. He just hoped that Hutch didn’t say the wrong thing and release the cold murderous rage that still lingered deep inside of Starsky’s heart.
Suddenly, Hutch’s face twisted in a grimace of pain and he actually fell to his knees in front of his partner, wrapping his arms around himself tightly as he started rocking back and forth. It took Starsky a moment to realize that Hutch was crying, deep silent sobs that shook his entire body. The sight of his friend’s emotional breakdown was enough to drive Starsky to his side. He sank down to his knees beside him and instinctively reached out to put his arms around the other man, offering what little comfort he could to ease his suffering.
Hutch slumped into Starsky’s embrace, clutching his shirt with both fists and burying his face against the curly haired detective’s shoulder. “Don’t hate me, Starsk…” he mumbled “Please don’t hate me…..I can’t take it if you hate me…..”
“Shhhhh…..” Starsky said soothingly, feeling the ice in his heart melting away. “It’s okay. I don’t hate you….I could never hate you, Hutch.” His own voice caught in his throat as his eyes filled with tears of his own. Starsky’s words seemed to penetrate the alcoholic haze clouding Hutch’s mind and his sobs slowly tapered off to a struggling gasp for air. “Come on, pal….” Starsky said in a determined voice, pulling the unresisting blond to his feet. Hutch docilely allowed Starsky to lead him into the bathroom. He barely noticed as Starsky reached in and turned on the shower. He stepped into the tub when Starsky told him too; seeming not to notice that he was still fully dressed. A moment later, his yelp of surprise and a string of curses filled the air as the cold water hit him in the face. Starsky blocked his retreat with his own body as the cold water soaked through Hutch’s clothes and began to sober him up. By the time Starsky finally stepped aside to let him out of the shower, Hutch’s teeth were chattering and Starsky was almost as wet as he was. With a grim smile of satisfaction, Starsky said “Get out of those wet clothes and I’ll get us some coffee.”
“You ass!” Hutch growled as he started to strip off his wet clothing “You did that on purpose!”
“Yeah, paybacks are hell, aren’t they?” Starsky said with a chuckle as he left the bathroom. “If we’re gonna talk….I want you sober enough to remember it when we do.” His voice drifted back to Hutch, who stopped undressing long enough to let Starsky’s words register in his mind.
Ten minutes later, Hutch came out of the bathroom dressed in a white terrycloth robe belted tightly at the waist. Starsky was sitting on the sofa with his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him. Two cups of freshly brewed coffee sat on the table in front of him. Hutch sat down at the opposite end of the sofa and looked at his partner warily. Silently, Starsky picked up one of the cups of coffee and handed it to him and then picked up the other cup for himself. He leaned back against the sofa and looked at Hutch calmly but didn’t speak.
Nervously, Hutch took a sip of the coffee. It was hot and strong, heavily mixed with cream and sugar just the way Starsky liked it. Lowering his eyes to avoid the intensity of those sapphire eyes that were gazing at him, he tried to think of a way to begin. Finally, he sighed softly and said “I don’t know where to begin….”
“Try the beginning…that’s usually a good place to start.” Starsky said keeping his voice level and calm.
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Starsky and I….I didn’t wanna lose you….” Hutch said quietly “I…I… didn’t really think things were as serious with Kira as you made it sound.” He took a deep shuddering breath “W..w..when she said she loved you too…that was it…I was gonna leave….then she said she loved me too….” He still avoided Starsky’s eyes as he continued “She said she loved us both….just in different ways….she made it real clear that she wasn’t ready to settle down with anybody….”
“So that made it all right to sleep with her?” Starsky said with a hard edge creeping into his voice. “After I told you that I thought I loved her?”
“No…” Hutch admitted, shame coloring his face as he remembered his actions that day.
“Than why did you?” Starsky demanded. He didn’t raise his voice and his tone wasn’t angry. Just questioning, needing to hear Hutch’s answer for himself.
“Because I was jealous…..” Hutch whispered, finally raising his head and meeting his partner’s eyes “Because I was afraid of losing you…..”
“What kind of answer is that?” Starsky asked with a puzzled frown. “You wouldn’t have lost me. Even if Kira and I had gotten together….you would still have been my partner, my best friend….nothing would have ever changed that….not even Kira.” Starsky’s eyes clouded with sadness “This isn’t about Kira anymore; Hutch….this is about us. You hurt me….you hurt me….I trusted you and you betrayed that trust by sleeping with her….then you both rubbed my face it…...” Starsky swallowed hard to dislodge the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. His mouth tightened into a thin line “If I hadn’t caught you together, would you have gone on sleeping with her behind my back?”
“NO!” Hutch said fiercely “I knew it was a mistake after I did it….she didn’t care about either one of us….not really. She used us….the same way we’ve both used women a few times ourselves. It was all a game with her….sleeping with both of us just to prove she could.”
“What did you mean when you said you were jealous?” Starsky asked, changing the subject abruptly “Jealous of what? Me being with Kira instead of you?”
Hutch was silent for so long that Starsky wasn’t sure he was going to answer the question. He could see the indecision and the touch of fear that had crept into the other man’s eyes. He was still keeping something from Starsky, something important. Finally, Hutch took another deep breath and said “No….I was jealous of her being with you instead of me.”
“What?” Starsky said in a startled voice, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Hutch closely. “What exactly are you trying to say, Blondie?”
“I’m in love with you, Starsky….I have been for a long time.” Hutch whispered, his voice catching on his words as he finally revealed the secret he had kept for so long. He wanted to take back his words immediately when he saw the stunned expression that settled over the brunet’s face. If sleeping with Kira hadn’t destroyed their relationship, then revealing his secret to Starsky might have just done it.
“Hutch…I…” Starsky said, suddenly at a loss for words. “I don’t know what you expect me to say…..I love you too, you know that….”
“Yeah,” Hutch said with a sad bitter smile “Just not ‘like that’, huh?” He wasn’t really surprised at Starsky’s reaction. He had never expected Starsky to feel the same way he did. He would have to learn to live with that and with whatever happened between them now that Starsky knew how he felt about him.
“I didn’t mean it that way…” Starsky said slowly “I just never thought about it before….I…” he stopped and ran his fingers through his dark curls anxiously. “Hell, I don’t know what to say right now….”
“You don’t have to say anything.” Hutch told him with another sad smile. “I’m not asking you for anything more than what we’ve always had…..I just couldn’t keep hiding the way I felt anymore.”
Starsky fell silent and shifted his gaze to stare at the opposite wall, lost in his own thoughts for the moment. Hutch watched him anxiously. He wanted to reach out and touch him, assure him that nothing had to change between them, but he knew that he was lying to himself. Too much had already changed between them the minute he slept with Kira. Starsky and Hutch had always been openly affectionate with each other, patting each other on the back or even the ass now and then, clasping a shoulder, touching hands, even caring for each other in the most intimate ways when one of them was sick or injured. Neither one of them had ever given it a second thought, after being together as friends and partners for so many years, it came as naturally to them as breathing. Now Hutch was terrified that he had lost that too. How could he expect Starsky to feel comfortable with Hutch touching him now without reading more into it then Hutch intended?
As if he had read his thoughts, Starsky turned his attention back to Hutch and smiled gently, a smile that never quite made it to his eyes. “Just give me some time, Hutch to figure this out, okay?” he said softly “I mean….this is the last thing I ever expected….”
“I know.” Hutch said with a thin smile. “You can go home, Starsk….I’ll be okay. You’d don’t have to stay.”
“Hey, it’s almost
“Suit yourself.” Hutch said, finishing his coffee which had grown cold and then shoving himself to his feet. As he turned towards his bedroom, Starsky’s voice stopped him.
“Hey, Hutch?”
“Yeah?” Hutch asked without turning around.
“Have you ever been a guy before?”
“No.” Hutch admitted, his shoulders tightening with both the question and the answer. “I never wanted to….until now….”
“Neither have I.” Starsky said softly still speaking to Hutch’s back. Hutch didn’t reply. He went into his bedroom and shut the door firmly behind him. Starsky gathered up the coffee cups and put them in the sink. Arranging the throw pillows against the arm of the sofa, he lay down and pulled the afghan from the back of the sofa over himself. Hutch had shut off the lights as he went into the bedroom so the room was cast in soft shadows, a faint light steaming in through the windows from the streetlight out front. Starsky lay there in the darkness, unable to sleep, as his unnerving conversation with Hutch kept running through his mind.
If he was perfectly honest with
himself, Starsky had to admit that he’d done some teenage experimentation
before he left
The idea of being with another man had never turned him on but he had been curious about how it would feel to be with a man instead of with a woman. Would it really be that different if the two people involved were in love with each other? Wasn’t making love just another way of showing how much you cared about someone else, giving them pleasure and receiving pleasure in return? Isn’t that what made it different from just fucking someone for the hell of it? Was the way he loved Hutch really that much different from some of the women he had loved in his life? Or was it different just because Hutch was a man instead of a woman and society taught you that loving a man sexually was wrong, that it was a sin? Starsky finally drifted off to sleep with so many unanswered questions still tumbling through his mind.
The delicious aroma of bacon and eggs awakened him the next morning. Rubbing his hand across his face to wipe away the cobwebs in his brain, Starsky tossed aside the afghan and sat up on the edge of the sofa. Hutch was in the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed, whistling softly as he cooked. “Smells great.” Starsky said, his voice still thick with sleep.
“It’ll be ready in about ten minutes if you wanna grab a shower.” Hutch told him without turning around. “I laid some clean clothes in the bathroom for you.”
“Thanks.” Starsky said, shoving himself to his feet and going into the bathroom, shutting the door securely behind him. Starsky stripped off his clothes and reached in to adjust the shower spray to a comfortable temperature. His thoughts were still running wild through his mind. He may never have thought about being with another man sexually before, especially Hutch, but now that the image had been planted in his head, he couldn’t seem to get rid of it. It was all he could think about.
He closed his eyes as he stepped under the shower and began to wash himself. He had always known that Hutch was a handsome man; men did notice those kind of things even if they didn’t admit it. And he had dated enough of the same women that Hutch had to know that they considered him an excellent lover. Hell, he’d even seen Hutch in action a time or two when they’d had a threesome with a willing female a couple of times. And they had both seen the other one naked so many times over the years, in the showers at headquarters and the academy or while caring for the each other when one of them was sick or injured, that he’d lost count. Now his very male, very attractive partner was telling him that he had ‘fallen in love’ with him. Starsky was startled when his cock suddenly twitched in response to the direction his thoughts had taken. That was not a reaction he had been expecting and it was not one he was entirely comfortable with. He hurriedly finished his shower, dried off and got dressed.
As he sat down at the table in front of the plate Hutch had prepared for him, he smiled at his partner almost shyly as he began to eat. They both seemed ill at ease this morning as they ate in silence for several minutes. Finally, Hutch cleared his throat and said, “I never did thank you for picking me up last night and bringing me home.”
“Hey, that’s what partners are for.” Starsky said with a crooked grin, trying to keep his tone light and casual.
“That’s what friends are for.” Hutch corrected him “We are still friends, aren’t we, Starsk?” There was faint pleading tone in Hutch’s voice that tore at Starsky’s heart.
“Of course we are, dummy.” Starsky told him with a flash of his thousand watt grin. “Nothing can change that. I told you that last night….or this morning….whenever it was.”
“That’s all I care about, Starsk….” Hutch told him solemnly “As long as you’re still my friend, then nothing else matters.”
“We’ll work things out, Hutch…just like we always have.” Starsky assured him, reaching out to touch the back of Hutch’s hand. “Together. Me and Thee.”
“Me and Three.” Hutch repeated with a faint smile, squeezing his partner’s hand gently as their eyes locked in a silent look of trust and understanding. Their relationship might have hit a rocky spot but it was on its way back to level ground.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Over the next two weeks, the two partners worked on rebuilding the trust between them, easily falling back into the old patterns that had served them so well through the years. The closeness was still there just as it had always been and Hutch was relieved to find that the affection was too. Starsky didn’t hesitate to touch Hutch the way he always had and he had no problem with Hutch touching him. Hutch couldn’t pretend that he didn’t still have feelings for his partner that he shouldn’t have because he did but he was determined not to act on them.
After a particularly long day with a double shift and a sudden thunderstorm, the two partners decided to go to Starsky’s apartment when they got off work to order a pizza and watch a movie on TV. They had the weekend off so they could both sleep in the next morning. They were sitting on the sofa, side by side, eating their food and drinking a beer when Starsky suddenly tilted his head to one side and looked at Hutch with an intensity burning deep in his eyes that startled the tall blond. Before he could say a word, Starsky suddenly leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across Hutch’s mouth. There was no passion, no desire in the kiss, just a fleeting touch, nothing more, nothing less. He started to pull away, but Hutch caught his chin in his hand and forced the brunet to look at him.
“Starsk, what was that for? Why did you do that?” he questioned his friend.
“I’m not sure….” Starsky said hesitantly with a self conscious smile “It just seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Don’t start something you’re not ready for, buddy…..” Hutch whispered softly with a faint warning in his tone.
“Who said I’m not ready?” Starsky whispered back, leaning forward again to claim Hutch’s lips again, in a real kiss this time, a kiss that rocked them both to their very soul. His lips were just the way Hutch had always imagined they would be, firm yet soft, warm and yielding beneath Hutch’s mouth. When Hutch’s tongue darted out and gently licked across his bottom lip, Starsky willingly opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Their tongues met, teasing and exploring, discovering each other’s unique taste, mapping out forbidden territory for the first time. They were both panting when they finally pulled apart; shaken to their very core by the intensity of the emotions they had felt from one simple kiss.
“Jesus Christ,….” Hutch muttered, leaning his forehead against Starsky’s as he raised his hands to run his fingers through those thick soft curls. “I feel like I could cum just by kissing you…..”
“Me too…” Starsky admitted with a self conscious chuckle, a flush creeping into a face as he thought about what they had just done.. “I didn’t expect anything like that….”
“Neither did I.”
“Kiss me again, Hutch….please….” Starsky said as he looked at Hutch, his eyes softening even as he leaned closer to the tall blond.
Hutch didn’t need to be asked twice. He wrapped his fingers in Starsky’s curls and pulled him close, taking his mouth in a deep, demanding kiss that left no doubt in Starsky’s mind how Hutch felt. In response, Starsky wrapped his arms around Hutch’s waist and held on tight, his jeans suddenly feeling like they were three sizes too small. Hutch moved his hands from Starsky’s hair down to his chest, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. Pulling it open, he pushed it back over Starsky’s shoulders and down his arms forcing Starsky to let go of him long enough to assist in getting rid of it. Even as Starsky’s hands started working on removing Hutch’s shirt too, Hutch was running his fingers through the thick dark curls that covered his partner’s chest and tapered down over his stomach, disappearing into the waistband of his jeans.
Hutch shrugged off his own shirt and pushed Starsky back against the sofa, pinning him down with his weight, as he rubbed himself against the soft fur on Starsky’s chest. A strangled moan escaped from Starsky’s lips as Hutch lowered his head, seeking out one dark colored nipple and flicked his tongue over the little bud of flesh. “Oh, God!” Starsky cried out as he felt the warm wetness of Hutch’s mouth latching on and sucking lightly. He closed his eyes and threw his head back against the sofa as that talented tongue sent chills of pleasure down his spine and straight to his cock. His nipples had never been particularly sensitive before but they sure where now. Any lingering doubts or reservations he might have had before disappeared completely as that incredible mouth drove him crazy, making him want whatever Hutch had to offer.
Caught up in his own desire, Hutch felt a surge of satisfaction as he heard the soft cries and moans coming from deep inside of Starsky. His own cock was rock hard knowing that he was the one causing Starsky to make those sounds. It was an incredible turn on realizing that he could bring his partner so much pleasure without even touching his cock. Their groins rubbed together, as if their erections were seeking each other out even through their jeans and Hutch could feel the fire that was building up deep inside of Starsky. A fire that he knew only he could put out. He continued to tease Starsky’s nipples, sucking and licking, paying equal attention to both, for a long time until Starsky started pleading with him to stop.
Pulling away, he smiled down at the heavy lidded eyes of his soon to be lover, loving the sight of the flushed face and the sound of the heavy breathing, the heat from the body that lay beneath him. Starsky’s eyes were dark with passion, a passion that Hutch had never seen directed at him before and it gave him a rush to see it now. “Let’s go in the bedroom…” he suggested in a husky voice as he forced himself to stand on legs that he was no longer sure could support him. He grabbed Starsky hand and pulled him to his feet, tugging him towards his bedroom. They paused beside the bed just long enough to get rid of the rest of their clothes, their heavy erections finally free from the strangling confinement of their jeans. Both men were richly endowed although Hutch’s cock was slightly longer and thinner, while Starsky’s was thicker and darker in color, the shaft nestled in a bush of thick dark curls. Hutch was also uncut where Starsky was circumcised. Both men were fully aroused, the slits in their cocks weeping with pre-cum.
Their lips met in another deep, lingering kiss as they wrapped their arms around each other and fell back onto the bed with Starsky on the bottom. Their aching cocks fit snugly together between their bodies as their hips instinctively began rocking back and forth in a ritual dance as old as time. Starsky came first, screaming out Hutch’s name, as his back arched and his body stiffened, his seed spurting against Hutch’s stomach and groin. Hutch followed him over the edge within seconds, crying out his lover’s name as their cum mixed together between their bodies. Still wrapped in each other’s arms, they collapsed against the bed, holding on to one another as their bodies slowly came down from their sexual high and their breathing returned to normal.
“I love you, Starsk.” Hutch murmured when he finally found his voice, nuzzling his lips against the side of the brunet’s neck. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too, Blintz.” Starsky whispered in an awe filled voice, cupping Hutch’s cheek with his hand. “I just never realized how much until now.” With no further need for words, sated and content, they drifted off to sleep still cradled in each other’s arms.
TO BE CONTINUED IN
PART TWO AFTER KIRA