Title: Behind his Scars
Author: Sparkle731

Type: Slash
Summary: Hutch learns that some scars are more than just skin deep.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Starsky and Hutch, just having fun with them for a while.
Format: Story
Categories: Starsky Angst, First Time Story
Rating: NC-17

Behind his Scars
by Sparkle731

Hutch was getting ready for bed when he heard the loud pounding on his front door. Padding to the door barefooted, he opened it to find his partner, David Starsky, standing on the stoop. The dark haired detective stepped into the apartment as Hutch slowly closed the door behind him. Since it was only a little past eleven and Starsky'd had a date that evening, Hutch was surprised at his impromptu visit.

"What are you doing here?" Hutch asked as he watched his best friend and partner go into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out two beers. "I thought you had a date with Connie tonight."

"I did." Starsky said tonelessly, as he popped the top on the two cans and handed one of them to Hutch who had joined him at the kitchen counter. After working together for almost ten years, Hutch knew every one of Starsky's moods and he could tell that he was depressed and upset about something.

"You wanna talk about it?" Hutch asked quietly

"Nothing to talk about." Starsky said evasively, taking a long deep swallow of his beer "We just didn't hit it off, that's all."

"You sure seemed to be hitting it off the other night at the Pits when she gave you her phone number."

"Yeah...well, that was the other night." Starsky said flatly. He walked over to the sofa and slumped down on the cushions, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Hutch slumped down at the opposite end of the sofa and looked at his friend closely. Almost a year ago, the two men had been ambushed in the police parking lot and Starsky had taken three bullets to his chest and abdomen. He had suffered massive damage and the doctors had given him up for dead from the start. He actually had died in the I.C.U. when his heart stopped for almost three minutes before the doctors were able to get it started again. Starsky had surprised them all by not only surviving but by fighting his way back to health and being put back on active duty.

It had taken him almost a year of pure hell to do it but he had done it. And Hutch had been there every step of the way, taking care of him and encouraging him when the going got rough. The date tonight was the first time he'd actually gone out with anyone since before the shooting. He had been so enthusiastic and excited earlier that day when they got off duty and now he was depressed and he seemed to be determined to shut Hutch out.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened or not?" Hutch asked, deciding to get directly to point, otherwise it would take him all night to drag it out of Starsky.

"Back off, Hutch." Starsky said in an almost pleading tone. "I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"So what do you wanna do? Get drunk?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

"Yeah, well all that's gonna get you is a hang over that you're gonna regret in the morning and whatever's under your skin is still gonna be there when you wake up."

"It's not what's under my skin that's the problem." Starsky said evasively.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Hutch asked

"It's the scars, Hutch..." Starsky said looking at his partner with a plaintive expression in those sapphire eyes that ripped at the blond detective's heart. "She couldn't handle the scars....they freaked her out."

"Oh, Jeeze...." Hutch muttered feeling a sudden surge of anger at the woman who could be so cruel and thoughtless as to make an issue out of the scars on Starsky's chest and stomach. Scars that were a mute testament to his struggle to survive the gunshots that tried so hard to claim his life. He longed to reach out and touch his friend, to comfort him, but he sensed that Starsky would only push him away if he tried. The curly haired man was sensitive about the scars of his ordeal and Hutch knew that he was the only person who had really seen the scars since the shooting. Even Starsky refused to look at them most of the time.

Starsky was not a vain man but he had been popular with the ladies before the shooting. And he had always taken pride in both his appearance and his physique. In his eyes the scars were as ugly now as they had been just after he was shot when his torso was a mass of stitches and raw healing tissue. Heavy doses of powerful pain medication and his own severely weakened condition had left him impotent for months after the shooting. As a sexually active man in the prime of his life, he had been more concerned about the impotency then he had been willing to admit to anyone, even himself. Hutch could still remember how happy Starsky had been when he'd finally been able to get an erection again.Tonight should have been his successful plunge back into the singles scene and another important step to regaining his independence and his confidence. Instead, his date had turned out to be a shallow unfeeling piece of trash as far as Hutch was concerned.

Hutch had only recently admitted that his feelings for his partner had changed during the long months of his painful recovery. They had always been close, as close as brothers, and Hutch had always loved the darker half of their partnership as a brother. But after months of watching Starsky struggle just to be able to take care of his most basic needs by himself, Hutch realized one day that he had fallen in love with his partner.

It was not a realization that set easy on the tall blond's mind. He had never been sexually attracted to other men before and the idea that he was suddenly having those kind of feelings for his male partner was unnerving to say the least. He had kept silent, too afraid to tell Starsky about the way his feelings had changed. Their friendship was too important to him to risk jeopardizing it. Starsky's state of mind was still too fragile to lie something like that on him.

Starsky sighed deeply and finished his beer. Shoving himself to his feet, he went into the kitchen to get another one. "You wanna stay here tonight?" Hutch asked "I don't think you're in any condition to be driving...especially if you're gonna keep drinking."

"Not much chance of that....you only got three beers left." Starsky said with a thin smile as he sat back down on the sofa.

"You're welcome to 'em." Hutch said with a faint smile "What's mine is yours, partner."

"You shoulda seen her face, Hutch..." Starsky said in a torn voice. "She looked at me like I was some kinda freak or something...."

"Come on, Starsk...you know better than that..." Hutch said, finally reaching out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"That's just it, Hutch....she's right. I do look like some kind of freak..." He threw his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes "She couldn't even stand to touch me once she unbuttoned my shirt and saw my chest."

"Hey, buddy...it's her loss."

"Go to bed, Hutch." Starsky said, the tone of his voice making it clear that the conversation was over. "I'm gonna finish my beer and then I'm gonna crash. I'll turn off the lights and lock up."

"Okay. You know where the blankets and spare pillows are." Hutch said. He squeezed his partner's shoulder as he pushed himself to his feet and walked back towards his bedroom. As he shut his bedroom door, he heard Starsky getting the bedding out of the hallway closet. Hutch sighed as he got ready for bed wondering just how this setback would affect Starsky's emotional recovery. Luckily, they were off duty for the next two days, so maybe Hutch would be able to find a way to help and pull Starsky out of his present state of mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The smell of freshly brewed coffee and bacon frying awoke Starsky the next morning. Tossing aside the light blanket he was covered with, he shoved himself to his feet and went into Hutch's bathroom to do his morning routine. Since the two detectives spent so much of their time together, they kept clean clothes and toiletries at each others apartments. After living together during his long recovery from his injuries, Starsky had missed not having Hutch around twenty-four hours a day when the tall blond finally started staying at his own place again. For the first time in his life, living alone no longer had the appeal it used to have for him. It was almost too quiet in his apartment.

Starsky left the bathroom after showering and shaving, going into the kitchen where Hutch had fresh coffee, bacon and scrambled eggs already waiting for him on the table. Slumping down into his chair, he took a grateful sip of the coffee, sweetened just the way he liked it.

"You feel any better this morning?" Hutch asked, as he sat down across from his friend to eat his own breakfast.

"The jury's still out on that one..." Starsky muttered "But I guess I'll live."

"So what do you wanna do today?"

"I got some errands and stuff to do."

"Okay. How about you come over tonight and we'll get a pizza or something?"

"Sounds good to me.....it's not like I've got anything else planned anytime soon."

Hutch ignored the comment. They could talk later. They finished their breakfast, making idle conversation. After they had eaten, Starsky left to run his errands.

Hutch spent his day cleaning his apartment, doing his laundry and running some errands of his own. Starsky returned around six that evening and they ordered an extra large pizza from their favorite place, half vegetarian for Hutch and half with everything for Starsky. They spent most of the evening watching a movie on TV. When Hutch suggested that Starsky stay over again, the curly haired detective didn't raise any objections.

Hutch had grabbed a quick shower and when he finished, he walked towards the kitchen to get a glass of juice before he turned in. Starsky was standing by the sofa and had just started to strip off his shirt when Hutch came out of the bathroom. He looked up, startled by Hutch's sudden reappearance and instinctively grabbed at the open flaps of his shirt, trying to pull them closed to cover his chest and stomach from view. Without saying a word, Hutch walked over to him and gently pushed his hands down to his sides.

"Don't..." he said softly "I've seen it before....more than once."

"Sorry..." Starsky said, lowering his head to avoid looking into his partner's piercing blue eyes. "You startled me, that's all."

"Have I ever told you what those scars mean to me?" Hutch said, his voice barely above a whisper, as he reached out and gently pushed Starsky's shirt over his shoulders, pulling it down so that it feel to the floor at his feet. "They mean that you're still alive....that's what they mean to me. They mean that you beat the odds and survived when the doctors all kept saying that you were going to die."

"Hutch...." Starsky said in a broken voice, raising his head to look at his partner, his sapphire eyes pleading for Hutch to understand and accept the way that he felt about his scars.

"Don't..." Hutch whispered, taking a step closer until they were standing face to face. Two sets of blue eyes locked and held for several long minutes without either of them speaking. Starsky trembled involuntarily as Hutch reached out and gently ran his fingertips over the scars that started just below Starsky's nipples and ran down his torso to his lower abdomen.

"Hut..." he started to speak again but was cut off abruptly, stunned when Hutch leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Starsky's mouth. Too surprised to react, he stood there as Hutch covered his mouth with his own, kissing him again, more firmly this time.

Suddenly, Hutch pulled back, a deep flush creeping into his face as he quickly averted his eyes.. "God....Starsk..." he stuttered "I'm sorry....I...I..."

"Hey, it's okay, baby blue." Starsky said, his own voice a little shaky "You just caught me by surprise, that's all...." He tilted his head to one side and looked at his furiously blushing partner intently "You gonna tell me what that was all about?"

"I'm sorry." Hutch mumbled, "I don't know why I did that....."

"You wanna talk about it?" Starsky asked quietly, still looking at Hutch intently "I mean....I know you ain't into guys...."

"Look who's talking....neither are you." Hutch said trying to keep his voice calm and light.

"Not anymore...." Starsky said so quietly that Hutch wasn't sure he'd heard him right.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hutch asked, looking at his dark haired friendly closely.

"Whatever you want it to mean, Hutch." Starsky said in a strangely flat voice as he started to turn away.

"That's no answer and you know it...." Hutch said, grabbing Starsky's arm to keep him from pulling away. "What did you mean when you said not anymore?"

"I did some stuff when I was just a kid before I ever moved out here. Okay?" Starsky said in a weary voice. "Now can we just let it go at that?" He looked at his partner "And you still haven't answered my question. Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I wanted to." Hutch said with a sigh of resignation. "I've wanted to for a long time now."

"How long?" Starsky asked, staring at Hutch as if he still didn't believe what had happened.

"I don't know....a couple of months." Hutch admitted. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He had never lied to Starsky and he wasn't about to start now. "I don't know how it happened or when....but somewhere along the line...I fell in love with you and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do about that."

"I love you too, Hutch....you know that." Starsky said choosing his words with care "And I'd be lying if I said I've never thought about what would happen if you and I ever...." He stopped to gather his thoughts "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to say no if that's what you really want...."

"I don't want a pity fuck, Starsky." Hutch said with a hard edge creeping into his voice. "Either we're both in this thing together or not at all...." He regretted his words immediately when he saw the pained expression that crept into Starsky's face. He sighed softly, suddenly feeling exhausted "Look, why don't you just go home and we'll forget tonight ever happened." Without another word, Hutch turned and walked back towards his bedroom leaving Starsky standing alone in the middle of his living room, looking stunned and confused.

Hutch closed his bedroom door and sank to the floor with his back against the door. He was afraid that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life and alienated his best friend by admitting his true feelings for his partner. He knew that Starsky cared too much to reject him outright and he'd be damned if he'd take things between them any farther than an innocent kiss unless he was convinced that it was what Starsky wanted as much as he did. He lost all track of time as he sat there, lost in his own thoughts. He closed his eyes and remembered the kiss they had shared, no matter how briefly. Starsky's lips had been just as he had imagined they would be, soft and warm, yet firm and unyielding beneath his mouth. Even though Starsky hadn't responded to his kiss, Hutch had never felt such a surge of pure pleasure before from just a simple kiss. Finally, Hutch shoved himself to his feet and threw himself down across his bed, face down, drifting into an exhausted, restless sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch woke up with a nagging headache and an uneasy churning in the pit of his stomach. Pulling on a tee shirt and a pair of old sweat pants, he opened his bedroom door and headed towards the kitchen. He was startled to find his partner sleeping on the living room sofa. He sighed softly as he went into the kitchen to put on some coffee. He should have known that Starsky wouldn't leave, not after the bombshell Hutch had dropped on him. Starsky wouldn't be satisfied until they'd hashed out Hutch's recently discovered feelings for his best friend and partner.

Hutch jumped, startled, when Starsky's voice said from behind his back, "We need to talk, partner...."

"Thought we did that last night." Hutch said absently, as he carefully measured the coffee grounds into the coffee maker.

"You ran out before we had a chance to finish what we were talking about." Starsky pointed out.

"What the hell do you want me say, Starsky?" Hutch asked in an exasperated voice, turning around to face his determined partner. "I already said I was sorry and that it won't happen again."

"I don't give a damn about the kiss, Hutch. That's all it was. A kiss. But I do care about us...me and thee, remember?"

"Is there still a me and thee, partner?" Hutch asked "Or does the fact that I told you that I'm in love with you change things?"

"It doesn't change a damn thing as far as I'm concerned." Starsky told him firmly "You've always been the most important person in my life and that hasn't changed." A thin rueful smile tugged at his mouth "Hell, having sex with each other is about the only thing we haven't done together. So don't go thinking the idea of that is gonna scare me off." His mouth tightened "And if we ever did sleep together, I guarantee you that it wouldn't be just a pity fuck or a one night stand."

"So what do you suggest we do about it?"

"Well," Starsky said taking a step closer to the blond, close enough to touch him. He lowered his voice almost seductively, his eyes burning with a light Hutch had never seen in them before. "You could start by kissing me again...I kinda liked it the first time."

"You did, huh?" Hutch whispered, reaching out to gently cup his hand against Starsky's cheek. The dark haired detective tilted his head into the tender caress. Swallowing hard, Hutch raised his other hand to cup the other side of Starsky's face and leaned down to press their mouths together. Starsky made a sound deep in his chest and voluntarily opened his lips to deepen the kiss. Hutch didn't need any more encouragement than that. He slipped his tongue into his partner's mouth, exploring the warm moist depths and learning Starsky's sweet taste. He tasted faintly of coffee, peppermint toothpaste, and a unique flavor that was pure Starsky. Their tongues met, teasing and twisting around each other, getting acquainted.

Finally, Hutch broke the kiss only because he had to breathe. He barely had time to catch his breath before Starsky grabbed his tee shirt with both hands and pulled him back into another breathless, passionate kiss that aroused them both almost immediately.

Pulling away with a gasp, Starsky looked at Hutch and said softly "What do you say we take this little party some place more comfortable?"

"I think that would be a good idea." Hutch agreed breathlessly. They stumbled over to the sofa and fell back on the cushions, coming together for another deep lingering kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other as they wiggled into a comfortable position, with Starsky lying back on the sofa underneath of Hutch. Their groins pressed together, mute evidence of their arousal evident even through the layers of fabric between them. The spark of passion between them ignited, turning into a raging fire that flowed through their veins.

Starsky's chest was still bare. He had never put his shirt back on after Hutch had taken it off the night before. He moaned softly as Hutch moved his hands to gently caress his upper torso, gently running his fingers over his ribcage until he found the tiny nipples hidden by the soft fur. Hutch rolled the little nubs of flesh between his fingers, pinching lightly, until they hardened beneath his touch. Moving his lips to the side of Starsky's neck, he began licking and sucking gently at the warm slightly salty skin.

"Oh, god....Hutch...." Starsky gasped at the sensations that surged through his body making every nerve-ending tingle. He grasped at Hutch's shoulders, his fingers digging in painfully.

Hutch ran his tongue across Starsky's neck, pausing to nuzzle his lips into the hollow of his throat where he could feel the pounding of his heart just below the surface of his skin as he gently sucked on his dark haired lover's Adam's apple. Starsky drew air into his lungs with short little gasps as Hutch moved his lips down across his chest until he reached one copper colored nipple, pulling it into his mouth. Starsky cried out in surprise and anticipation as Hutch licked and nipped lightly at his flesh, arching his back as he offered more of himself to his eager partner and his talented mouth. After not having been with anyone sexually since before his shooting over a year ago, the stimulation he was receiving already had him teetering on the edge, his cock straining painfully within the tight confines of his jeans.

Starsky's deep moans of pleasure and the frantic squirming of his body was quickly bringing Hutch closer to the edge too. His own throbbing cock begged for release but Hutch's primary concern was giving his partner as much pleasure as he possibly could first. He wanted to erase his memories of all his previous lovers from his mind, leaving room there only for Hutch and no one else.

He moved his hands down lower and fumbled with Starsky's belt, pulling it loose and snapping open his jeans. He looked into Starsky's eyes momentarily, asking and receiving silent permission to continue. Lowering his head again to continue suckling at his swollen nipples, Hutch carefully pulled down the zipper on Starsky's jeans. A faint hiss escaped from Starsky's mouth as the pressure on his throbbing cock was relieved as the jeans gapped open.

He yelled out and thrust his hips forward as Hutch reached inside his pants to fondle his cock and the heavy sack between his legs. His shout turned to whimpering as Hutch removed his hand and hooked his fingers in the waistband of his jeans. "Easy, babe.....easy...." Hutch whispered as he shifted positions so he could pull Starsky's jeans and briefs down over his slender hips in one swift movement. Standing up, he jerked the clothes off Starsky's firmly muscled legs and tossed them to the floor.

Hutch's hungry eyes swept over the nude body displayed before him. It wasn't the first time Hutch had seen Starsky naked, or even the first time he had seen him aroused, but it was the first time he had looked at Starsky's nude body with the eyes of a lover. His dusky colored cock stood at attention, proud and defiant, the head weeping heavily. He was almost as well endowed as Hutch but his shaft wasn't quite as thick and he was circumcised where Hutch wasn't. The shaft nestled in a thick patch of wiry dark curls and the heavy sack between his legs was lightly covered with soft fur.

Starsky's face was flushed with excitement and his eyes were half closed but Hutch could still see the widely dilated pupils that signified the intensity of his arousal. Hutch felt a surge of pleasure and power knowing that he had put that look on his best friend's face.

Hutch's hand was trembling as he slowly reached out and wrapped his fingers around the base of Starsky's rock hard cock. Starsky screamed out Hutch's name at the first touch of his hand on the most intimate part of his body, as a lover and not just a friend. Hutch tightened his fingers around the shaft knowing just how close to the edge Starsky was and not wanting him to cum just yet. Starsky moaned in frustration and bucked his hips, desperately seeking more attention where he wanted it the most.

A strangled cry tore from his throat as Hutch sank to his knees beside the sofa and then leaned forward to lap up the pre-cum gathered in the slit of Starsky's cock. Totally lost in the surges of pleasure that rippled through his body, Starsky couldn't think, he could only feel as he lost himself in the new sensations that were overwhelming him. He whimpered helplessly as Hutch ran his tongue around the ridge surrounding the head, pausing to suck gently at the circumcision scar at the backside of the glans.

Hutch slid his free hand inside his own sweat pants and took his aching cock in his hand, stroking furiously as he gently sucked just the head of Starsky's cock into his mouth. Starsky's hips bucked wildly and he would have cum if Hutch hadn't been holding the shaft so tightly. No longer capable of any coherent speech, Starsky could only whimper and moan as Hutch continued suckling at him, pulling him deeper and deeper into his mouth until his cock butted up against the back of the tall blond's throat.

Suddenly Hutch loosened his grasp on the shaft and began stroking it in long easy strokes. Starsky screamed loudly and came immediately, the sharp tangy fluid flooding Hutch's mouth. Hutch struggled to swallow it without choking but due to his own inexperience, some dripped from his mouth, falling on Starsky's stomach and upper thighs. Hutch had to concentrate on not biting down as his own orgasm overtook him, shock waves of pleasure exploding through his entire body, as his seed poured out over his fist. He held Starsky's cock in his mouth until it softened, then he gently released it. He let his head drop wearily to Starsky's stomach, resting there as his body spasmed with the aftermath of his climax. He could feel the quivering of Starsky's muscles as his own body came down from the intensity of his own orgasm.

Hutch felt Starsky's hand tugging gently at his arm. Glancing up, Hutch smiled tenderly and leaned up to kiss his new lover, letting him taste himself inside Hutch's mouth. Starsky returned the kiss wearily, exhausted from the most incredible orgasm of his life. He felt Hutch straightening up and then he was reaching down to grab Starsky's hand, pulling him gently to his feet. Wrapping one arm tightly around his waist, Hutch led Starsky back to his bedroom. Starsky was grateful for the support. He wasn't sure that his trembling legs could have held him upright otherwise.

Hutch pulled them both down onto his queen size bed, wrapping Starsky tightly in his embrace, as they both drifted off to sleep, exhausted and sated from their love making and from too little sleep the night before. Whatever the future held for them now, they would face it together, as partners, as friends and as lovers united by a love that knew no boundaries. Me and thee. Now and forever.

THE END OR JUST THE BEGINNING?